Be careful what you wish for...  

A mother and father decided to listen in on their son's prayers one night to see what kind of things he prayed for.  The little boy concluded his prayer with, "...and God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa.  Good-bye, Grandpa."  The parents thought this was really strange.  The next day, the grandfather died.  The parents were very upset, so they didn't let the boy pray for a week.  Eventually, they decided he really should pray, so they let him.  Again, he ended the prayer with, "...and God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grandma.  Good-bye, Grandma."  Sure enough, the next day, the grandmother died.  Again, the parents kept their son from praying, this time for a month.  Eventually, their conscience got the better of them, and they let him pray again.  The boy
said, "...and God bless Mommy and Daddy.  Good-bye, Daddy."  The father panicked, thinking he was going to die.  The next day, he did not shave for fear of cutting himself.  He drove slowly on the backroads, took the stairs instead of the elevator, and stayed in his office all day.  He took the backroads home and carefully went into the house.  Going up to his wife, he said, "You wouldn't beleive the day I've had!"  His wife said, "You think you've had a bad day?!  The milkman died today!"

The Three Pieces of String

Three pieces of string came up to a bar.  There was a sign reading "No String Allowed."  The first piece of string decided to go in anyway.  The bartender threw him out, yelling, "We don't serve string here!"
The second piece of string tried to get in, but the bartender threw him out, too.
The third piece of string rakishly ruffled up his end fringes and sauntered into the bar.  "Hey!" said the bartender.  "Aren't you a piece of string?"
"No," the third piece of string said.  "I'm a frayed knot."

A Statue's Dream Come True  

Once upon a time, there were two statues in a park, one male and one female.  They stood on opposite sides of the path for over fifty years.  One day, a fairy came along and decided to give the poor statues a gift.
"Because you are such lovely statues, I'll give you 30 minutes of life and you can do anything you want," she said.
The statues agreed, and *POOF* they were real people!  The overjoyed statues ran into the woods, and the fairy heard a great commotion.  The bushes shook, birds screeched, and there was a great ruckus.  The fairy was puzzled.  Fifteen minutes later, the statues came back.
"You still have fifteen minutes of life," the fairy told them.
The statues ran back into the woods, and the noise started up again.  The curious fairy tip-toed nearer to eavesdrop.  She heard one statue say to the other, "Ok, now you hold down the pigeon, and I'll poop on it!"

A man went to the doctor and asked for help losing weight.  The doctor told him to eat normally for two days, then skip a day.  He predicted the man would lose five pounds in a month.  In a month, the man came back to the doctor and had lost twenty pounds!  The doctor was astounded.  "Did you do what I told you to do?" the doctor asked.  "Yes," replied the man.  "I had no problem eating normally for two days, but all that skipping really made my legs tired."

Q:  A gingerbread man was attracted to his mother.  What was his problem?

A:  He had an Edible Complex!

Q:   How do you kill 57 clowns all at once?

A:   Cut the brake lines on their tiny little car!

Rene Descartes was sitting in a bar when someone walked up and asked his opinion on a political issue.
Descartes pondered for a moment, then said, "I don't think--" and disappeared.

(Rene Descartes is famous for saying, "I think, therefore I am.")

Q:  What do a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?

A:  Either way, someone loses a trailer home!