Mummy Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Things Anck-su-Namun Would Never Say

10.  This outfit's too revealing.  I want a turtleneck!
9.  Death is fun!  I wanna do it again!
8.  Pharaoh's such a sweet guy.
7.  I like hairy men!  Beard, ponytails, the works!
6.  EEEK!  A snake!
5.  EEEK!  Undead walking mummies!
4.  Oh, what a cute little scorpion!
3.  Violence is never the answer.
2.  Take over the world?  Sorry.  Can't.  I have a Tupperware party today.
1.  Imhotep, I think we should see other people.

Top Ten Imhotep Pet Peeves

10.  People who ask "boxers or briefs" when the answer is "loincloth."
9.  Women who have reservations about kissing rotting mummies.
8.  Sunburn on his bald head.
7.  Computer keyboards with no hieroglyphic keys.
6.  Modern men who make fun of his eyeliner.
5.  Nair.
4.  That old "Walk Like an Egyptian" song.
3.  Camels, scorpions, scarab beetles, and most of all, cats!
2.  Losing body parts--with or without canopic jars.
1.  Women with annoying traits like a self-preservation instinct

Top Ten Things Ardeth Bay Would Never Say

10.  Creater smeetcher.  Let's have a kegger!
9.  Fishie fishie fishie!  [Deuce Bigalow ref.]
8.  My name is Ardeth Montoya!  You killed my Pharaoh!  Prepare to die!   [Princess Bride ref]
7.  Eew, horses stink!  Icky-poo!
6.  All this sand, and we still can't find a single lousy beach!
5.  Forget saving the world.  I wanna ride the bus again!
4.  Horus, fetch the morning paper!
3.  You think these tattoos are cool, check out the one of Bart Simpson on my bum!
2.  For the last time!  I'm a Med-Jai, not a Magi!  I don't have any stinking frankincense or myrrh!
1.  Meet my cousins, Ardeth Bayou, Ardeth Sea, Ardeth River and Ardeth Stream.   Ardeth Pond and Ardeth Puddle couldn't make it to the reunion.