Splitting Heirs

Tale Spin Fan Fic

by Katie Sullivan


19 Oct 1945 -- 1:24 A.M.

The Air Pirates did not usually follow the "early to bed, early to rise" philosophy, so most of them were still awake, drinking, playing poker, listening to the radio, and "reading" certain questionable magazines, when their Captain banged open the door to their barracks.

"Grrreetings, my men!" he said jubilantly. "I want you to meet someone!"

"Veronica Lake?" said one pirate, looking up from a centerfold.

"No, you idiot! I want you all to meet...my son!" He folded back the blankets to display the newborn for inspection. "Men, meet Juan Ricardo Felipe Gonzalo Hernán Karnage."

They looked at him blankly.



The crew crowded around to stare at the baby. It was just as well Juan was fast asleep at the time, since they would probably have scared the poor thing out of his wits.

"Aww, innit he kyoot," said one especially dumb pirate.

"Looks just like ya, Cap'n."

"Kinda shrimpy, isn't he?"

"He is only a few hours old, you backward buccaneer," Karnage sneered. "Of course he is little." He slapped the hand of a curious dog who tried to touch the baby. "Keep your filthy hands off my son, disgusting one! And let us all get one thing straight rrright now. Juan is my son, and you will treat him with the same uppitymost respect you treat your magnificent captain. That means no scaring him, no feeding him, no picking him up, no sneezing on him, no teaching him the nasty words, no insulting him, no hurting him, no nothing! Understand? If anyone so much as thinks about harming a hair on his precious little head, I will have you keelhauled!"

"But, er, Cap'n," said a low-ranking pirate, "keelhauling really only works on, like, sea-ships, not airships, 'cuz you've gotta have water and barnacles, and--"

Karnage slapped him across the face with the hand not supporting Juan. "Shut up, you imbecile!"

"Gotcha, Cap'n," said the pirate.

"Now I will return to the side of my beautiful Señora Karnage. Felicitations." He took the baby's tiny hand and waved with it. "Say bye-bye to all the idiots, Juan!"

Juan stirred and made a contented noise.

"Is he not perfect?" Karnage said, more to himself than the crew, as he turned to leave. "Come now, let us go say 'allo to your mother, yes-no?"

19 Oct 1945 -- 1:38 A.M.

Not surprisingly, Scarlet was in a deep sleep when they returned to the sick bay. Lorita was dozing in a chair at her bedside, and all was tranquil. No sense in disturbing them. In fact...sleep sounded good. Very good. Only now did Karnage realize how exhausted he was. His inexperienced hands carefully supported Juan's head as he eased him down into the cradle next to Scarlet's bed. Once the infant was safely tucked in, he lingered for a moment, shaking his head in wonder.

This was it. The moment he had waited so long for. He had a son. An heir. And it was even better than he had ever dreamed. His chest swelled with pride. One day Juan would be a great pirate just like his father. For now...well, even great pirates needed their rest. He turned down the sheets on a spare bed, took off his boots, and returned for one last look at the newborn before falling asleep, himself. He leaned down to kiss his soft forehead.

"Good night, my son," he whispered.




Author's Note:  Just for the record, I know that hybrids are usually sterile.  Mules can't breed.  The only way to get another mule is to mate another horse and another donkey.  So I guess if I was supposed to stay strictly with real-world biology, Don Karnage would have no children.  But what fun is that?  So I thumb my nose in the face of biology, and write the way I want to.   Nyah.

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This story and the characters Scarlet, Juan and Sue are (c) Katie Sullivan and may not be used without permission. Katarina is (c) Kayleen Connell and shouldn't be used without permission, either. Don Karnage, the Iron Vulture, the Air Pirates, Mad Dog, Dumptruck, Cape Suzette, Kit Cloudkicker, Baloo, Rebecca Cunningham, TaleSpin and all related indica, etc, are (c) The Walt Disney Company and are used without permission for non-profit entertainment purposes only.