Tale Spin Fan Fic
by Katie Sullivan
Months passed. Scarlet grew larger. The Air Pirates prepared for their
Captain's new Master Plan. Houn forces were dropping like flies, and the second Great War
appeared to be nearing an end. Kit graduated from high school and started going steady
with Sue. Baloo never did find his other sock. But he never wore socks anyway, so it
wasn't a real problem. All in all, things were looking up.
7 July 1945
Don Karnage swaggered across his office on the Iron Vulture, humming happily to himself. It was a sunny day, the war was over, his Master Plan was coming along perfectly, and in a few short months he would be a father. To top it all off, it was his birthday. Life was good!
The door opened behind him, and he knew it was Scarlet, since no one else would dare enter without knocking.
"Happy Birthday, Felipe," she said brightly.
"Hola, querida. And how is my beautiful baby-factory today?"
"Hungry. Would you believe there isn't a single pickle in the galley? I had to give Jean-Marc a piece of my mind. I mean, honestly. Not a single pickle! What's this world coming to? We're all going to get scurvy at this rate!"
"And another thing. Junior, here, has been kicking me in the ribs all morning." She grimaced and massaged her round belly.
He dropped to one knee and put a hand on her stomach. "'Allo in there, little one. This is your magnificent father speaking to you out here, the great pirate Don Karnage. Stop kicking your wonderful mother in the ribs!" Concentrate as he might, he didn't feel any movement in reply.
Scarlet giggled and shooed him away. "Don't start corrupting the poor thing yet, Felipe."
"I am not corrrrupting it," he said with a trill of his tongue. "I am bondling."
"And I feel sort of strange calling it 'it' all the time. I wish I knew if it was a boy or a girl," Scarlet said with a sigh. "Then we could pick out a name, at least. With the way this one is kicking, I think we should name it after a famous soccer player!"
"Fútbol!" he interrupted vehemently. "It is called football, not 'soccer'!" He said the last word with an exaggerated Uslandic accent, sounding so unlike himself that Scarlet burst out laughing. "Well, that is what almost the whole stinking world calls it, you know."
"I'm not laughing at that, I'm laughing at you! Say that again!"
"Saaakurr. You sounded so funny!"
"That is how you say it."
"But it sounds so weird coming from you!"
"It sounds weird from anyone. Is a stupid word."
She recomposed herself, shook her head fondly and kissed him. He didn't see what was so funny, but could hardly refuse an excuse for a kiss.
"You're silly," she said with a grin.
"You are the one who calls fútbol 'soccer'!"
She giggled again. "By the way, speaking of names...I've been meaning to ask you...do you have your heart set on anything? Because if it's a girl I was thinking of naming her Eva, after my mother."
"Would that not be confusing?
"Not any more confusing than 'Felipe Esteban Gonzalo Andres Enrique'!" she said with a miffed look.
"That is a family tradition. For instance, if we have a son, he should have five names. The third, his father's--Felipe, and the fourth, his grandfather's--Gonzalo. The first, second and fifth can be anything, really, but..." His voice trailed off, and his eyes strayed to the origami on the top of his bookshelf.
She followed his gaze. "Ignacio?"
He sighed, his smile fading. "I had always thought I would name my firstborn son after him, but...I do not know. I think it would be too sad. But, his second name, Juan..."
"Juan Karnage?" she said with a skeptical frown. "That's a little like Don Karnage, isn't it?"
"I know, but..." He walked to the bookshelf and looked up at the elaborate piece of folded paper under a glass dome. "I could not save him. The least I can do is honor his name."
Scarlet put a hand on his arm. "I understand. But...can I at least pick the other two names? The second and the fifth?"
"I am supposing... What did you have in mind?" He turned from the bookcase and sat down at his desk.
"My father's name, Richard, for one," Scarlet suggested as she sat across from him.
"Can we at least make it Ricardo? Juan Richard Felipe Gonzalo sounds silly."
"I guess. That leaves one name. Hmm..." She paused. "How about Nigel?"
"Do you want me to slap you, is that it?" he said with mock fury. "Do not be annoying the birthday boy!"
"Just seeing if you were paying attention. Seriously...what about Christopher?"
He looked at her as if she were the stupidest person on earth. "Are you kidding my glorious self?"
"No," she said, not certain why he was upset.
"What is a nickedy-name of Christopher?"
"What? Oh..." Suddenly, she realized. "Kit."
"Yes. Exactamente, pretty one. Kit Cloudkicker, the betraying little so-and-so. No son of mine will ever have that name!" He clenched his sharp teeth in anger.
"That's what you've been so funny about!"
"I have not been being funny," he griped.
"Yes, you have. You're going to have a real fur-and-blood heir soon. It's only natural that you'd think about the boy who was supposed to be your successor." He scowled darkly but didn't dispute her conclusion. "Why did you take in Kit, anyway?"
Karnage steepled his hands in front of him and leaned back in his chair. It was a question he had never answered, and never intended to answer for anyone but his wife. "At that time, I could never have dreamed I would meet you, and have a true heir. I was...what is the expression? Something about a biology clock?"
"Your biological clock was ticking."
"Ah, yes. That is it. I wanted a protègè. My genius must be passed down to a new generation of pirates, yes-no?"
"I figured it was something like that."
"I had not really planned to, how you say, 'adopt' an heir. But one day, I was pillaging a plane, and what should I find hidden among the cargo but--"
"--my sister, Katarina."
"No. That was later, silly Scarlet. No, I finded a bearcub. A hobo, an orphan, a stowaway. Dumptruck was going to toss him out the door, but he fought so well, with so much spirit, and so many nasty words--" Karnage smiled in spite of himself. "--that I was intrigued. He appeared to be a possible protègè pirate."
"Did he use excessive alliteration like you?"
"Er...no. But I saw much potential. So I gave him a choice. Join my pirates or parachute out into who-knows-where."
"Not much of a choice."
"Yes and no. At the opportunity, he was very--" Karnage glanced at the word-a-day calendar on his desk. "Enthusiastic. He had heard of the Air Pirates, and said his greatest dream was to fly. I promised that if he joined us, he would learn from me."
"But you never did teach him, did you?" Scarlet grabbed a candy from the silver dish on his desk and popped it in her mouth.
"No! When he left us, he had only twelve years! I am not crazy, you know. Twelve-years-olds do not fly! If the ungrateful little brat had stayed more longer, I would have taught him when he was old enough."
"What happened between you two, anyway?"
"He stole my Stone! Betrayed me! And ruined my grand pillaging of Cape Suzette!"
"I know, I know, but why?"
"I--" Karnage stopped, his deep frown giving way to an expression of confusion. "I don't know."
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This story and the character Scarlet are (c) Katie Sullivan and may not be used without permission. Katarina is (c) Kayleen Connell and shouldn't be used without permission, either. Don Karnage, the Iron Vulture, the Air Pirates, Mad Dog, Dumptruck, Cape Suzette, Kit Cloudkicker, Baloo, Rebecca Cunningham, TaleSpin and all related indica, etc, are (c) The Walt Disney Company and are used without permission for non-profit entertainment purposes only.