Splitting Heirs

Tale Spin Fan Fic

by Katie Sullivan

Chapter 4

5 Oct 1945

The Fritz Carlton was by far the most expensive hotel in Cape Suzette, and the second tallest, after Khan Tower. It was host to royalty, movie stars, millionaires, dignitaries, and, today, unwittingly, pirates.

After much consideration, Don Karnage had decided that they needed a base of operations in Cape Suzette during the final week before the attack. Messengers were slow, dimwitted and unreliable, and radio communications weren't secure enough. The Captain himself needed to be discreetly present to oversee the plan from ground zero.

A taxi slid to a halt at the curb outside the Fritz. What appeared to be a wealthy fox in a dark brown suit and fedora emerged, then offered a hand to help his blonde wife from the car. She awkwardly extracted her pregnant bulk from the back seat and took his arm. She wore a lavender jacket and gray skirt, both freshly-pressed and obviously expensive. With a casual flick of his wrist, her husband passed a twenty dollar bill to the waiting bellhop, who scrambled for the couple's suitcases as soon as he recovered from his goofy grin at the size of the tip.

The gentleman fox strolled up to the hotel's registration desk, where a flamingo fell all over himself to greet the ritzy new arrivals.

"Hellooo," he purred, "and welcome to the Fritz Carlton. Do you have reservations?"

"Yes. We speaked on the phone earler," the fox lied with his most convincing Italian accent. "Felipe and Sofia Giovanni."

The flamingo scanned down the list of reservations. "I'm afraid I don't have your name on file..." A glint of suspicion began to form on his face, but quickly disappeared when a fifty dollar bill appeared under his beak. "Ah, yes, Signior Giovanni! Of course! You had, er, reserved the...deluxe suite?"

Another fifty dollars hit the counter. "The penthouse. For one week."

The clerk hesitated.

Another fifty.

"Of course, right this way, sir," the clerk said with cloying charm as he personally showed them to the elevator.

Don Karnage turned to Scarlet and winked, a smirk on his handsome face.

Soon they were settled in the penthouse atop the Fritz Carlton building, enjoying the postcard-perfect view of the city through the window. Karnage put an arm around Scarlet's shoulders and spread out his other arm dramatically, taking in all he surveyed. "Eight days from now, this city will be trembling at my feet," he gloated.

"Our feet."

"But you cannot even see your feet any more."

"Shut up. I'm well aware of that. How can things I haven't seen in months hurt so much? Anyway, don't count your bustling commercial ports before they're pillaged. The plan hasn't been set in motion yet."

"Details, details." He turned from the window and went to his suitcase, then spread a well-worn map of Cape Suzette on the table. "Soon our treasury will be bursting at the screams with plunder!"

"Seams. Bursting at the seams. And I know what that feels like." Scarlet sighed and leaned against the back of a dark green sofa chair.

He came over and patted her round stomach in a possessive, condescending sort of way that annoyed her, but she was too tired to insult him. Instead she merely frowned.

"Now let us be getting our rest, querida. We will need to be bright-eyed and bushy-in-the-tails in the morning, so we can take a little train ride, yes-no?"

She smiled in spite of herself. "True. I have to admit, I'm tired. Must be the excitement, and the five hundred extra pounds I'm carrying. My feet are killing me! I don't suppose you could massage them for a few minutes...?"

"Say no more, mi amor. Ooh, that rhymed! I love that!" He put a hand on her back and led her into the bedroom. "It will all be over soon. And when it is, we will have a ton of treasure and a bouncing baby to show for it, yes?"

She paused in the doorway. "If all goes well."

"Si." He held her close. "If all goes well."

6 Oct 1945

The train tunnel looked narrow and fragile in the side of the steep mountain, like a worm's path through an apple. One little bomb... Karnage grinned to himself as he helped Scarlet out of the taxi once more.

Around them, a bustle of activity filled the train station. Crying children, harried parents, stressed employees, even more stressed businessmen...and a few pirates. Karnage made eye contact across the crowded lobby with Ratchet, who was standing by a hot dog vendor, ostensibly reading a newspaper. At the sight of his captain, he gave an almost imperceptible nod.

"Oh!" Scarlet said eagerly. "Hot dogs!" She pushed her way through the crowd toward the appetizing smell. "One with the works!" she told the vendor.

Her husband followed, putting a hand on her arm. "Querida," he whispered with a scowl, "we are supposed to be keeping inconspicuous, remember?"

"A pregnant woman eating a hot dog loaded with relish, onions, pickles, ketchup, mustard and secret sauce? What's unusual about that?" she said with a laugh, passing the vendor a few coins in exchange for the food. "Mmm!" She happily bit off a mouthful of hot dog.

He sighed. "All right, all right, fine. Let us be going."

"Wait just a second. There's pretzels over there!" Scarlet said through a mouthful of food.

Don Karnage put a hand to his temple and shook his head, fighting a headache.

Deep in the train tunnel, three scruffy shapes moved through the dark...stealthy, silent, and--

"Ooowww! Watch it, ya moron, ya stepped on my foot!" wailed Mad Dog.

"Yah, vell, I stubbed my toe tree times already, so shut up," Dumptruck grumbled.

Suddenly, Ratchet stopped, and the other two rammed into him from behind.

"What is the matter with you? Careful with those explosives, ya stupid piece of--" Mad Dog began.

"Shh!" Ratchet hissed. "The Cap'n told us to be quiet! You wanna attract attention?"

"Ya, well, the Cap'n ain't down here in this stinky old tunnel, getting his feet stepped on. He's probably in a restaurant somewhere, havin' coffee while we're in here risking our necks," Mad Dog whined.

"Yah," Dumptruck agreed. "It's not fair. Ve do all da hard vurk."

"Would you two shut up?" Ratchet snapped as he knelt to unpack his bag. "We've got work to do. Besides, the Cap'n's probably shopping for baby clothes with the missus, so stop bein' so jealous!"

"Shopping for baby clothes?" Mad Dog shuddered. "On second thought, we're the lucky ones!"

Dumptruck shook his head. "I tink Captain Karnage is goin' soft. Did Blackbeard have a vife and kid?"

"No," Mad Dog said.

"Vhat about Redbeard?"

"Nope."

"Calico Jack?"

"No!"

"Well, actually," Ratchet interrupted, "Calico Jack had a mistress on board...Mary Reed. And she got pregnant. 'Course, she died in prison before the kid was born, but--"

"Aw, well, what are you, a schoolteacher?" Mad Dog sneered.

"At least I went to school!"

"I went to school," Mad Dog protested.

"But, Mad Dog, I t'ought you only saw a picture ov one," Dumptruck said.

"Shut up!" Mad Dog slapped him across the face in an unconscious imitation of Karnage.

Ratchet squinted in the dim light, attempting to connect a pair of wires. Dumptruck saw him struggling and pulled a match from his pocket, lighting it against the rock wall. "You need some light, Ratchet?" he offered.

Ratchet jumped nervously and blew out the match. "No, you moron! You wanna blow us to kingdom come?"

"Er...vell, no," Dumptruck said.

"Then keep that fire away from this bomb!" Ratchet whispered vehemently. "Besides, you two are supposed to be the lookouts. Just lemme know if someone is coming, okay?"

Mad Dog and Dumptruck grumbled assent and stood back-to-back, peering down the gloomy tunnel. Before long, Ratchet was finished. The bomb was simple: a bundle of dynamite tied together with an alarm clock as a timer. A few extra pieces of electronics added by Ratchet would serve to trigger the explosion when he sent the radio signal. The pirate mechanic was quite proud of himself, and Karnage had even given him a sort of compliment, saying the system was "not incredibly estupid."

Ratchet stood and dusted off his hands on his overalls. "All right. That's done. Now let's get before someone notices us!" They hurried back toward the train station, a good ten minutes' walk from the bomb site.

Don Karnage looked at his gold watch impatiently and stirred his coffee. "Where are those three brainless bombers of mine?" he muttered.

Across the table from him, Scarlet was rummaging through her shopping bag. "Did you see what I bought this morning?" She held up a tiny yellow shirt and grinned.

Karnage looked up and smiled in spite of himself. "Very adorable, querida."

"Glad you like it. I've got three more in other colors in this bag."

As she reached in for another, Mad Dog approached through the crowded café. He sidled up to his leader with a devious sneer. "The seed has been planted in the garden," he said confidentally.

Karnage rubbed his hands together happily. "Excellent! One bird in the hand down, three to go in the bush, eh?"

Scarlet lowered an eyebrow and shook her head.

"Well, you know what I mean. Come now, we have other business to be taking care of."

She gathered her packages and followed him out of the café.

Chapter 5
Back to Chapter 3
Back to main Pirate Island page