A Parody Skit
By Scarlet and Katarina
|If you've ever been to the Disney.com page for TaleSpin, it's easy to see how clueless they are about the show. It seems the person who wrote up the site hasn't even seen the show! :-p Anyway, if you haven't seen it, gather up your courage and your Pepto Bismol and go over there.|
BALOO: Gee, look, it's my sidekick, Kit Cloudkicker!
KIT: Golly gee whiz, Papa Bear, what are we going to do today?
BALOO: Let's go have some rollicking adventures with the other outrageous daredevil pilots!
KIT: What other outrageous daredevil pilots?
BALOO: Uh...the other ones on this show. You know. The ones who are, uh...on vacation right now.
KIT: They certainly weren't killed in a plane crash or anything. Nobody EVER dies in plane crashes. They always just eject safely with their parachutes.
BALOO: Let's go, Lil' Britches!
KIT: That would be swell!
Later, in the skies above the ocean, the Iron Vulture appears.
KIT: Gee whillikers, Papa Bear, what's that?
BALOO: I don't know! I think I heard someone mention pirates in a brainstorming meeting. Right before Goofy and Pluto dragged him off and beat him to death for not thinking happy thoughts.
KIT: What can we do? Blast them out of the sky?
BALOO: No, no, Kit. Guns are bad.
KIT: Oh, yes. Of course. Since you are my father figure, you must be right.
The Sea Duck is swallowed by the Iron Vulture. Baloo and Kit emerge.
KIT: Oh, no, Papa Bear! We're in a scary cavern!
BALOO: Oh, no! I'm scared to be in the scary cavern!
KIT: Me too! Good thing we've got each other! As long as you've got a friend, everything will always be all right!
BALOO: And we're best friends, yes we are!
DON KARNAGE: 'Allo, furry-type bear-pilots!
BALOO: Who are you?
DON KARNAGE: I am the villain, idiot!
BALOO: You aren't mentioned on the official Disney.com website, part of the Go Network!
DON KARNAGE: What? They did not mention my glorious self? I shall have to hurt them!
KIT: No, no, hurting people is bad! You must talk out your problems in a calm, nonviolent way.
DON KARNAGE: I'll show you nonviolent, you little--
BALOO: Now, now, watch your language. This show is rated Y7.
DON KARNAGE: Whatever! Hand over your cargo!
BALOO: What cargo? We're outrageous daredevil pilots!
DON KARNAGE: And I am Little Bo Peeping Tom. Hand it over!
BALOO: We don't have any cargo!
KIT: Besides, stealing from people is wrong!
DON KARNAGE: Since when, my little tidbit of a bear?
KIT: Uh...since Disney took over the world?
DON KARNAGE: I should have known. The Mouse has brainwashed you two, hasn't he? That son-of-a-hamster!
BALOO: That sounded almost like swearing. Better be careful, or The Mouse will censor you!
DON KARNAGE: @#*$#&)!!!!
KIT: GASP! I'm a kid! I can't hear that kind of language! My ears are bleeding! What are you picking on me for, anyway? I'm just the sidekick!
DON KARNAGE: You were a pirate for an entire year, remember?
KIT: Uh...no. Disney.com didn't say anything about that. They're part of the Go Network, you know.
BALOO: Just register with a great name like IMATOON!
DON KARNAGE: Are you two on some sort of controlled substance?
KIT: Drugs are bad. Just say no.
DON KARNAGE: What is going ON, here?
KIT: Now may we please leave, sir?
DON KARNAGE: May we? Please? Sir? What happened to "stuff it in your windsock"?
KIT: I'm just a cute widdle bear cub. I would never say anything like that!
DON KARNAGE: I am not believing this! Somebody stop this madness!
Suddenly, Kit disappears into thin air.
BALOO: Oh. Kit is not around. He must be in school or something.
DON KARNAGE: May I ask WHY you are wearing a dress, Baloo?
BALOO: Don't ask, don't tell, Karny.
DON KARNAGE: Do I have to slap you all to make you talk sense? I am a pirate! You are a cargo pilot! I loot and pillage and steal from people like you! That is how it all works! Now I demand you insult me!
BALOO: I would never say anything bad about anyone. Let's all be friends.
DON KARNAGE: I do not usually like to say things like this, but...YOU ARE CRAZY! OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! And take your dress with you!
Baloo gets back into the Sea Duck.
Now he's not wearing a dress,
and Kit suddenly reappears, along with Molly.
KIT: Looky, Papa Bear, it's Molly!
BALOO: Hi, Molly!
MOLLY: Hi, Baloo! Aren't I the cutest thing you've ever seen?
BALOO: Yes, Molly. You are very cute! We will let you sit there and look cute while we do other things.
KIT: You're so cute, I'd just love to have a lunchbox, socks, pajamas, soap, macaroni, shoes and other Disney products with your image on them!
BALOO: Isn't she cute?
KIT: Golly, she sure is!
DON KARNAGE: Get out of my airship, you freaky-type people! You are scaring us!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
SCARLET: Querida, wake up! You're having a nightmare!
DON KARNAGE: Hmm? Oh, yes, Scarlet, it was awful! Everyone was polite, and cute, and not insulting us, and and and--
SCARLET: Sounds like the perfect Disney show.
DON KARNAGE: It was horrible!
SCARLET: Forget it and go back to sleep. Such a horrendous thing could never happen.
DON KARNAGE: Except on the Disney.com homepage.
SCARLET: Isn't that part of the Go Network?
DON KARNAGE: NOT AGAIN! AAAAH!!!!
He runs screaming from the bedroom.
SCARLET: What did I say?
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Tale Spin, Baloo, Rebecca, Molly, Kit and Don Karnage are copyright by the Walt Disney Company and are used without permission for non-profit entertainment purposes only.