Kit’s Innocence

By

Ben Gingell

Joe: I just want to go on record as saying I love Ben’s fics. They breach on being so stupid I laugh like a mad sicko. Except this one. This one must die the death of a thousand MiSTed fics…

Author’s Note:- All Talespin character’s are

Joe: and seeking asylum in Switzerland under assumed identities to avoid the weirdness of fans

copyright Walt Disney and are being used without.

Scarlet: And the award for most commonly misspelled word goes to…

permission

No money is being made from this fic, and is written with great respect to the Talespin team.

Joe: That’d be cool. Unrealistic, though.

So please don’t sue me as I am a poor student with little or no money.

Starflash: (Disney lawyer) Dang!

All other characters are the property of the author, but I don’t think you would want to use them anyway.

Joe: Oh yeah…

Mad Dog was worried. Not for the first time in his life, but this time it was quite severe.

Joe: Kit’s girlfriend again??? Damn, she gets around…

Looking around the crew quarters, he could not find what he was looking for,

Joe: U2 shoutout??

and the Captain had already been waiting nearly a half hour.

Joe: Oh, like I want to picture Maddog making out with anyone…

He paused for a moment and scratched his

Scarlet: (covers eyes)

head.

Scarlet: (covers eyes again)
Starflash: Ah, I see Joe’s started early in this fic… ; )

After thinking for a short while,

Scarlet: I thought I smelled something burning.

he suddenly knew where his quarry would be found.

Joe: (mall cop from the Simpsons) And then they grow up to steal bigger stuff like quarries…

Waiting, a few moments longer to double check the crew quarters, he sprinted off

Joe: It’s like reading my school email account. Thanks, Ben!

to find it.The hanger area of the Iron Vulture was

Scarlet: (hands Mad Dog and Dumptruck each a mop and yells at them)

empty and quiet.

Scarlet: (throws a tomato at Joe)

Kit liked it that way. He could be alone here with

Joe: Why won’t the hurting stop?

his thoughts and dreams. Looking behind him to make sure he was on his own, he

Joe: (covers eyes as the Vinyl’s song passes through his head)

descend the stairs and walked out across the deck towards the planes. He stopped at one, and just looked at it.

Joe: (is laughing at that way too hard)

It was Karnage’s. Stepping forward, he ran his hand over the shining body work.

Starflash: LOL!

"I bet I could fly it." he said, quietly to himself.

He pulled his hand back, and observed at his reflection, staring back at him from the polished metal.

"I agree with you." he said, but pretending it was his reflection which spoke.

Joe: (dumps a bucket load of freshly caught fish over Scarlet’s head)

Kit again checked to see if the coast was clear, before climbing into the open cockpit, putting on a flight cap and radio headphones

Joe: WOOHOO!

"This is captain Cloudkicker

Ted: *happy sigh* I love that phase.

to enemy aircraft." he said under his breath as he put his hands on the controls. "You are ordered to leave our airspace or face immediate attack."

Joe: (Kit, as guy from airplane) Those are the flaps, this is the thrust, this must turn on the landing lights…(plane nose dives)

he continued. Kit waited a few seconds, before looking to his sides, then

Joe: It is in the infomercial…
Starflash: (attempts to do a side-kick, and falls over)

turning his attention back to the controls "No reply. Go weapons hot."

Joe: (as Ben) Go weapons! Weapons good!

He flicked

Starflash: --the booger out of his nose.

a few switches.

Joe: electrocuting all the pirates he’d sedated earlier…

"Wait until they are in range." he gripped the control stick tighter in his hands.

Starflash: Um…nevermind.

"Now! Break and attack."

Joe: Does anyone else get the idea that Kit needs a hobby? Bad?
Starflash: Yes, he should take up juggling or something…and why does ‘break and attack’ sound so much like a dance move to me?!

Kit continued to play in the plane, adding occasional orders to his pretend squadron.

"Form up on my wing…. You’ve got a fighter on your tail

Scarlet: Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

…… Watkins, evasive manoeuvres."

Joe: Both, I’m guessing…J
Starflash: Tally ho!

before finally saying "Job well done guys. Return to base."

Scarlet: LOL!

Kit returned all the switches he had moved to their original position. If Don Karnage had found out he had been in his plane, Kit would have probably been skinned, and he knew it.

Scarlet: Well, okay, I wouldn’t want to disappoint… (whacks Joe across the back with a trout)

With a last look at the controls Kit jumped back onto the deck.

"I will learn to fly one day." he sighed as he walked back up the stairs.

Ted: Harumph.

Mad Dog was now beyond worry and getting close to panic. He had searched nearly the whole length of the Iron Vulture, yet his task was still not yet complete.

Starflash: He lost his prize cockroach right before the big race?

"The Captain is not going to like this."

Scarlet: o_0 Well, there’s a mental picture…

he said as yet again he failed to locate the object of his search in the mess.

Turning to leave he saw Kit Cloudkicker enter.

"At last!" Mad Dog cried

Joe: (starts hearing the old song "At Last" in his head)

before leaping over a few tables and landing right in Kit’s way.

Joe: Maddog was also wearing ice skates. As if this thing wasn’t disturbing enough…

"You’re in my way." Kit said in a tougher voice as he could manage.

Scarlet: (Ben) Hooray for violence!

"The Captain has been looking for you." Mad Dog informed him, oblivious to the

Joe: well, everything, but to be specific, the

fact that for the last hour and a half it was he who had searched the ship.
"What for?" Kit asked, slightly worried.

Scarlet: (Mad Dog) He wants a foot rub. (as herself) *soundly bitchslaps herself*
Starflash: (Mad Dog) You forgot the mint on his pillow!
Joe: to make a tequila sunrise…
Scarlet: That song by The Eagles? (wanders off, humming that song, until the other MiSTers lasso her and make her stay put)

Had he found out about his [reindeer] – Joe games in his plane?

"Go and find out." Mad Dog pointed out of the mess, with one hand and turned Kit and pushed him with the other.

"Ok, ok I’m going." Kit said.

Don Karnage, leader of the air pirates was also

Scarlet: --able to use commas better than Ben.
Joe: I don’t know about that…

having a bad day. He had yet again tried, and yet again failed to get into

Scarlet: --my pants. Heh heh… (ducks bitchslaps from everyone around)
Starflash: (Karnage) Scarlet! You shrunk my pants!
(Scarlet) Those are MY pants, Querida.
Scarlet: That’s not exactly what I meant, but LOL!
Joe: LOL!

Cape Suzette. Now he had been waiting for Mad Dog to find his protégé to arrive.

Scarlet: Pick one clause and go with it, Ben.
Joe: Maybe Ben’s become unstuck in time like Billy Pilgrim…
Scarlet: Ooh, Kurt Vonnegut ref! J

The crew were silent as he paced back and forth on the bridge, occasionally back handing one of them for failing to get into Cape Suzette.

Starflash: Well, it probably WAS their fault.
Joe: That and they failed to get him some good porno mags…
Starflash: Yeah, and…HEY!

That worked a little bit, he found it a very good way to burn up excess stress.

Scarlet: Heh heh…yep.

"Uh Captain?" a nervous sounding voice broke through the silence. Karnage turned ready to yell at the

Scarlet: --author for once again omitting a comma.

owner of the voice only to see a young bear cub standing behind him. In a moment all his anger melted away.

Starflash: Awww…Kit’s just like a stress ball!

"Ah,

Scarlet: (Karnage) --Teddy Ruxpin! How good of you to join us! (ducks bitchslaps from Ted)
Joe: 0_o at that visual…

my protégé. I am glad to see you. The same goes for seeing me? Yes, no?"

"As all ways,

Scarlet: ALWAYS, you idiot!
Joe: Silly Scarlet. Kit has a cockney accent you see. Wot? Jolly good.
Scarlet: Blimey.

Captain." Kit replied, trying to hide his worry.

"Come, come let me tell you a little secret."

Scarlet: (Karnage, whispering) I see dead people!
Starflash: (Karnage) I’m really a pixie!
Joe: (Karnage) I am how you being saying…flamboyant? The gender-bending wonder of the skies?? (puts helmet on to prepare for attack)
Scarlet: As if a helmet will help you, silly little man. (pelts Joe with dead fish, rocks and cherry bombs)
Starflash: (punts Joe across the room)

he looked around "But not here, there are too many of the listening inner

Joe: belly button

types." as he grabbed a helpless member of the flight crew and yelling into his ear "Aren’t there?"

Joe: Was that an existential question or somethin’?

Karnage led Kit away from the bridge and towards his private quarters. Kit was experiencing a mixture of pleasure and terror.

Scarlet: Sort of like what I feel when MiSTing. Pleasure at coming up with funny lines, terror at the horror of certain fanfics.
Joe: (tries refraining from making lewd comments)

Pleasure because in the four months he had been with the air pirates he had never

Joe: smelled their farts up close.
Scarlet: >_< Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww…

been summoned to the captain,

Karnage: (performing exorcism) I summon the spirit of Cloudkicker!

and terror because he did not know if it was a good thing, or a bad one. They reached the door and Karnage paused, then bent down and

Scarlet: --poked Kit in the eye. (Kit) Ow!
Joe: So then Kit kicked him in the groin. (makes funny "boing" sound effects sound ala TV home video shows) J
Starflash: Ack! (getting Bob Saget flashbacks) Make it stop!

faced Kit.

"If you get any ideas about the snitching of things, I will not be a happy bunny. Got it?"

Scarlet: o_0 A bunny? Okay, a fox, or a wolf, or some sort of canine, but NOT a bunny!
Starflash: (gets bizarre image of Karnage wearing bunny ears and wiggling his nose while hopping around)
Joe: (gets image of Karnage boiling alive like the bunny in Fatal Attraction)
Starflash: Ooookaaay ; )
Scarlet: o_0

Kit nodded. Karnage pulled out a bunch of keys from his trouser pockets

Scarlet: *drooling*
Joe: I can understand fetishes, but keys???
Scarlet: I was referring to the mention of Karnage’s trousers.

and unlocked the door. He gestured to Kit, to follow him inside.

Starflash: (Karnage) Don’t touch the wallpaper!

Karnage slammed the door shut and stood over his apprentice,

Joe: Whoa! I just got the weirdest visual of Kit marching all these magic brooms all over the Iron Vulture…(and Karnage in the wizard suit!)

looking at him through one eye as if he was thinking of something.

Scarlet: *gasp!* Karnage, thinking of something? You don’t say.

Kit didn’t know what to do. He looked at his face, the floor, his hands, the door, till Karnage broke the

Scarlet: --piñata.

silence.

"I think you will do."

Starflash: (Karnage) …you’ve plumped up quite nicely…

Do? Do what?

Joe: (Karnage) The hus-sle! (dances)

Kit just stood, nervously fidgeting, when Karnage asked him the most unexpected question

Joe: (Karnage) Have you ever been being to a yacht full of alien abductees in the Bermuda Triangle while gargling shnapps in the middle of the rain while watching circus performers from a freak show juggle???
Scarlet: O_O ROTFL!!!
Starflash: Oh good, so I’m NOT the only one…

"Are you happy here, my boy?"

Kit’s mind raced.

Joe: (singing) Go, Speed Kicker, Go Speed Kicker, Go Speed Kicker, goooooo.
Starflash: (badly dubbed) ha HA! Weshallspeakfastfornoreason! Ha HA!

Trick question?

Scarlet: Silly bear cub, Trix are for kids!

What does he want to hear? Will it be the right one? Eventually he just said "Yes."

Starflash: They’re getting married?

Which was true. He was warm, he had food in his belly, if you could call the stuff in the mess food and he had a roof over his head. What more could a guy want?

Starflash: Stable insurance premiums?
Scarlet: I’d be happy with better punctuation…
Joe: An end to K&K propoganda! (ahem)
Ted: (borrows some of Scarlet’s dead fish to throw at Joe)

"Good. Now I know you want to learn how to fly so," Kit ears pricked up,

Scarlet: Heh heh. He said "prick." Heh heh.

he might like this after all "I want to make a little deal with you, okey-dokey?" Kit nodded "I have decided to make you the main player in my next

Scarlet: --soccer game.
Joe: paintball tournament…

raid. If you do well….I will teach you to fly. If you fail" He smiled, evilly, flashing his

Starflash: *GASP*

teeth

Starflash: Phew.
Scarlet: Heh heh…

"You won’t fail me, will you? As you are such a good little boy." Karnage leaned forward, patting Kit on the head.

Scarlet: Aww, how patronizing. That’s Karnage, all right.
Starflash: (Karnage) Now go fetch the paper. There’s a good boy!
Joe: (Karnage, with pipe and smoking jacket) And now, for more advice. Do not shoplift all your eggs in one basket. In life, be sure to stop and smell the gunpowder. Now run along and fetch me my slippers…
Starflash: I am lovin’ that visual! : )
Scarlet: Me too! J

"And I will be very upset if you do." Karnage leant back and stood tall

Joe: and then slipped and fell. (sound effect: wah wah waaaaaaaah)

"You may now throw huge amounts of praise in my direction." Karnage puffed his chest out.

Scarlet: Yep. Definitely Karnage. J
Starflash: *sigh*
Joe: (Karnage making pigeon sounds) Coo! Coo! coocoo. Coo!
Scarlet: ROTFLMAO!!!

Kit turned to Karnage and jumped at him, throwing his

Joe: sword through his spleen.

arms around his neck. "Thanks for giving me a chance, Captain. I won’t let you down." He nearly kissed him.

Ted: (bouncing off the walls in joy)
Starflash: (slingshots tranquilizers in Ted’s general direction)
Joe: (takes a bunch of pills to prevent vomiting)

In the four months that Kit had been with the pirates the nearest he had got to a raid was counting the raided goods.

Starflash: Well, since Kit is one of the few pirates that can count past 10…

Karnage brushed Kit of his chest "Yes, well, I the great and very feared pirate leader can, at times, be generous. Now here is the plan" He led Kit over to a large map and started to explain

Starflash: --the difference between latitude and longitude.
Joe: (Kit) Captain, that’s a map from Burger King…
Scarlet: LOL!

Kit in the mean time had completely forgotten

Scarlet: --how to use commas.
Joe: and apparently his entire memory due to that sentimental little scene above…

his doubts about

Joe: Maddog’s preference…
Scarlet: (bitchslaps Joe by reflex, not even looking up from her magazine)

staying with the pirates that he had been having lately. Now all he had to do was to listen to Karnage,

Joe: Well at least he won’t have insomnia then…

do what he says and he can learn to fly.

One week later…

Kit sat in at the bar in the diner, chewing slowly on

Scarlet: --a plug of tobacco…
Joe: Ew! (bitchslaps Scarlet)
Scarlet: Okay, we’re even.

his burger, waiting for the correct type of plane to land. He was at Freeport, trying to get a friendly flight into Port Talbot. Karnage had chosen him,

Joe: (Karnage with pokeball) I am choosing you, Cloudkicker!

as he was about the only member of his crew that was not known to the Port Talbot police,

Starflash: --and he looked the cutest in pumps.
Scarlet: LOL! [bitchslaps Starflash]
Joe: (rolls eyes)

in fact most local police knew of Karnage’s gang. That however was the first easy part. There were a few more easy parts for Kit to do, before the hard part.

Scarlet: Heh heh. He said "hard part." Heh heh.
Joe: 0_o but LOL!

One hard part that Kit had found early on was

Joe: *snickers*

that the pistol, gaffer taped to his chest,

Joe: He had the assistant to a movie set taped to his chest??
Scarlet: 0_o but ROTFL!

was uncomfortable, and the tape pulled on his fur when he lent forward.

Scarlet: Lent? The season leading up to Easter?

It was only a minor distraction.

"Carl!" the Cat

Scarlet: He must be important, to deserve a capital letter.

behind the bar, shouted at a boar

Joe: (bitchslaps Oscar)

entering the diner. Kit turned to look at the new comer. He was a

Joe: Tenktenese

pilot, that he could tell, but what really drew his attention was the friendly flight logo on his flight cap.

Starflash: Snuggle-bunny Airlines?
Joe: Or Snuggle Bear? (pictures the Snuggle Bear running around in TS) AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Scarlet: O_O LOL! Interesting yet horribly disturbing mental picture, there. I bet he’d get along with Molly and Oscar, though…

"Hello Adam." the pilot said as he sat next to Kit "My usual."

"Coming right up." the cat

Scarlet: Now he lost his capital letter. Did he do something wrong? L

replied and turned to the cookers "Where are you going this time?" he asked.

"Port Talbot." the pilot replied "Got some radio transistors to deliver to some factory there."

"When are you leaving?"

Starflash: (pilot, pouting) You want me to leave, is that it?
Joe: heh…

"Soon as I have loaded it, and it is a lot this time."

"You sure your plane will take it?" Adam asked with

Joe: a really suggestive voice with the words "take it".

genuine concern.

"Hell, sure

Scarlet: --Ben can use a little profanity if he wants to. Why not? I’m already so offended by the comma misuse that nothing will upset me. ;-)
Joe: I’ll more than make up for it…

she can. Carried half as much before." he replied as his meal arrived.

"Well, I guess no one knows your plane better than you do." Adam replied as he gave the bar top a wipe with a cloth.

Joe: Then he wiped Adam’s mouth. Awwwww.

Kit watched the pilot eat, checking him over,

Scarlet: Uh oh, is Kit gay in this fic? o_0
Joe: Not that there’s anything wrong with that;D…
Scarlet: Well, no. Just not for Kit. ;-)

for any signs that he might try to abuse, hurt or exploit a kid.

Starflash: The ‘I Hate Kids’ T-shirt worried him slightly.
Joe: (is too busy laughing to add to that, so he just waves people away)

It did not occur to him that Don Karnage may be exploiting him.

Joe: (Kit, with stupid voice) Derr, he makes me do menial labor and lies to me, and ignores me and I have to live without anyone my age and I don’t eat enough and I can’t get a decent bath, but it’s all good, derrrrrrrh.
Starflash: Meh. Like kids need any of those things…

He trusted Karnage. Karnage had taken him in, cared for him, nurtured him, given him hope and a future.

Ted: *happy sigh*
Starflash: But had he hugged him?
Joe: He has a no hugging policy, you see. Crazed fan femmes made him come up with that rule…
Starflash: Dang. I was wondering what that ‘cease and desist’ form was all about…
Scarlet: (snaps her fingers in a "shucks, darn" gesture) But in my case he makes an exception! ;-)

"Excuse me, sir." Kit began.

Starflash: (Kit/Oliver) Please sir, I’d like some mo’.
Joe: (rimshot)

The boar turned to his left and saw the young bear cub, he flicked his flight cap back and bent towards him. "What can I do for you, young man?" he said in a pleasant tone. Kit knew from his days as a hobo that a nice tone did not always mean a nice man.

Scarlet: I’ll file that away for future reference, Ben. Thanks.
Starflash: Ha ha! The littlest hobo!
Joe: And the award for most obvious advice in a fanfic goes to…Ben!

"I heard you were going to Port Talbot, and I was wondering if I could…..take a ride."

Joe: Which in the UK means sex. EWWWWWW!
Scarlet: O_O ROTFL!!! EEEEWWWWW!!!
Starflash: Heh heh…

he asked pointing to the friendly flight symbol on his hat.

Starflash: (Kit, reading hat) Friendly Flight: We help orphans see the world.
Joe: (singing) We love to endanger our credibility and it shows.
Scarlet: LOL!

The boar studied Kit for a moment before asking "Why do you want to go there?" as if it were a challenge.

"I have my reasons." Kit snapped back.

Starflash: (Kit) They have a strong amateur theater community there…

The boar thought for a moment. "You strong?"

Starflash: (boar) –yet gentle?
Joe: (Kit) Well ever since Ben pumped me full of steroids. Oh wait, that was another fic…

"Depends on how you define strong. Compared to you, no, other kids my age." he shrugged "probably."

Scarlet: *twitches* USE COMMAS, NOT PERIODS! *chugs vodka*

"Can you load cargo?"

"Tell me where."

"Ok, ok, kid, you can come. Just don’t be running

Scarlet: --with scissors! :-D

away from no-one, who might track you down." the pilot said in that kind tone again.

Kit shook his head

Starflash: --until it began to spin.
Joe: (hears rattling noises)

"I don’t have anyone. To run from, or to go to." a lie, he had Karnage, but he was not going to reveal his criminal connections to this pilot. It would give the whole plan away.

Scarlet: Well…duh.
Joe: No!

"Sure kid, sure. You ready?"

"Say the word."

Scarlet: Okay. "The. Word." *cymbal clang*

"Lets go." and with that he got of his stool,

Joe: sample,
Scarlet: EEWW! LOL!

left some money for his [happy] meal and left. Kit leaving some money for his half eaten burger, followed.

Starflash: How wasteful of them! There are hobos who would kill for a meal like that you know!
Joe: Except for the vegetarian ones.J
Starflash: Yes, I’m sure there’s lots of those. ; p

 

ON TO PART TWO