MiSTed by Michelle "Gidget" Beaubien
Note: This MiST was done with the permission and approval of the author. I recommend the real version of K’ufu’s Redemption, which is most enjoyable. Found on Starflash’s site: Don Karnage: Mystery and Intrigue.

Notes on story:

This story occurs about 2 years after the series ended, but otherwise nothing much has changed very much.
Gidget: Gee, did Baloo get any smarter?
Baloo: Hey!
(Rebecca and Kit hide smirks)

I’d like to thank Liz Spencer for her help editing my story and for her support.

*K’ufu’s Redemption* Written by Beth Bohnert

The radio news announcer paused to clear his throat and take a sip of
Gidget: Drain-o.
water. "In other news, the world renowned archaeologist Professor Arnold Ratbert,
Gidget: …who spent quality time with a certain office employee whose other associates were called: Dogbert, Catbert and Mombert.
after many years of excavation in the country of Kurumu, has uncovered the lost treasure of Prince K’ufu. Part of this treasure includes the legendary ‘Box of K’ufu,’
Karnage: A new brand of tissue, is it not?
Scarlet: Uh…yes, querido. Yes, it is.

which the natives of the ancient and cloistered nation of Kurumu believe to possess supernatural powers. The Professor has assured everyone that these claims are merely superstition.
Gidget: Except for that weird Carrie White girl… that prom incident proved the rumors were true!

Ratbert informed us that he has chosen not to open the legendary box, saying he will leave that benefit to the box’s new owner. Rather than donate to museums, the Professor has invited the world to join him in Kurumu’s capital city Kraumu to auction off the finds. As you may be aware, Kurumu has chosen to stay isolated from the rest of the world for the last two hundred years.
Gidget…due to the accelerating births of inbred lepers.

Professor Ratbert assured the world that Kurumu’s leader, the Czar Lionel Ruben, has given his blessing to-"

Shere Khan switched off
Gidget: … his Pleasure-me 2000 vibrator

the radio. The broadcast was a repeat of the news that had been in the headlines for the past week. He of course, would never stoop so low as to attend an over-hyped auction for some ancient junk with superstitious linkage.
Gidget: Besides, they weren’t selling collectable Superman comics or anything really neat. He never got over it when he found out his mom had tossed his comics while he was in college.
When you were the most successful businessman the world had ever seen, it was best to avoid such things. Instead, he would send someone to get it for him.
Gidget: Fetch! Good Yes-man, yeeeeah…. good boy.

His secretary and sometimes lover, Mrs. Snarly contacted him on the intercom. "Mr. Khan, sir, Thompson is here," she informed him, her voice made tinny-sounding from the machine.

"Send her in," he said calmly.

"Yes sir," she replied.
Gidget: The only words she was allowed to say during their ‘private time’…

Khan looked up as a statuesque cheetah walked into his office. ‘Marched’ would be a better word. She had the look of a soldier,
Gidget: complete with fatigues, a missing arm, and a pith helmet tilted rakishly over one eye…
eyes trained forward and back rigidly straight. She wore a conservative pinstripe suit that accentuated her lack of curves, and hid the long, powerful legs and sculpted muscles characteristic of her kind. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a harsh bun, making her look stern and far older than she actually was.
Khan: Mommy?
It seemed she had done everything possible to spoil her femininity. Khan appreciated that.
Gidget: He preferred the company of men, if you know what I mean.
It showed dedication to work. She stopped and stood at attention in front of his desk, easily able to look Khan right in the eye if she were inclined to do so. He offered his large, powerful
Yakko Warner: Good night, everybody!
paw and shook her long delicate one as he invited her to sit down.

Tara Thompson was admittedly very young. He had plucked her
Gidget: Innocence? Womanhood? Nose hairs?
fresh out of graduate school, but her record spoke for itself. She was a brilliant businesswoman, and seemed to have an inborn intuition about stocks and
Gidget: …bondage
Dumptruck (confused) Bondage? Vhy? I’m not hurt.
Mad Dog: Not bandage, you boob!

bonds as well as being an expert in foreign affairs
Gidget: …with visiting diplomats
Aunt Louise: Her too? I love accents! (inches closer to Karnage, batting her eyelashes meaningfully. He moves away)
. She was going to make quite the corporate killer some day, and so far she’d made him a lot of money.
Gidget: … turning tricks.

Khan didn’t bother with pleasantries. "Do you understand what I expect of you?" He questioned.

She looked at him straight in the eye and jutted her
Gidget: …chest
chin out. "Yes sir," her voice was low and robotic. "I am to purchase the Box of K’ufu by any means necessary, and no one is to know that I am working for you."

"No one!" He stressed.
Gidget: Gripping his squeezable executive stress reliever.
If anyone were to find out he was interested in obtaining a potentially mythological box, he feared he would never be taken
Gidget: …to the heights of sensual ecstasy ever again.
Baloo: Uh, Beckers, ya wanna…ya know…? (jerks a thumb toward the bedroom)
Rebecca: Not now, Baloo! (glances at Gidget nervously)
Baloo: (pouts) Aw, man…
seriously again. "Under no circumstances. Is that understood?"

She nodded to him and marched out. Khan watched her go
Gidget: … admiring her fine piece of tail.
. She was interesting, that one. Tara Thompson was part of the infamous ‘Thompson Clan.’ Her grandfather had helped found Cape Suzette, and every son that followed had also been a great entrepreneur in his own way. Tara’s father had been the least impressive of the bunch, having never had to work for his money and only performed some mediocre business transactions, preferring to keep the heavy stuff to his older brother. Luckily, his daughter had grown up to be nothing like him.
Gidget: Because she was actually the result of a quickie with the milkman while he was out of town.

If she had been a boy she would have inherited the Thompson fortune. As it was, the fortune was now going to her idiot cousin, who would undoubtedly be the downfall of the Clan.

Khan allowed himself to feel
Gidget: … the bulge in his pants
pity for the young Ms. Thompson. Her father had obviously been disappointed about siring a girl, and being unsuccessful in producing another offspring, he had neglected her. At least she had inherited the Thompson’s business
Gidget: …sensuality…uh, sense.
Molly: Mom, what’s she talking about?
Rebecca: Never mind, dear. She’s a lunatic. Go back to the zoo. One of the cages is empty.

sense. Khan had employed her as soon as he could to make sure she didn’t go to work for the competition.

Khan reproached at himself for his uncharacteristic concern and went back to
Gidget: …piddling on
his papers. She was his employee now. What more could she possibly want?

Tara Thompson marched out of the building, eyes trained forward. A few employees nodded heads to her, but she gave no acknowledgment in return.

Tara had been waiting for this moment all her life. A chance to use the skills she had worked so hard to obtain, a chance to prove herself worthy of the Thompson name, and to prove to her father how wrong he had been about her.
Gidget: She could now walk and chew gum at the same time… it was the moment of truth.

Tara stepped out of the lobby and into a waiting limousine.

"Airport," she ordered the driver. As the limo pulled from the curb and whizzed down the street, she gazed out the window, lost in
Gidget: …space.
thought. She had given up so much for this. In business school, she had barely come up for air as she buried herself
Gidget: …in warm manure.

in her studies. Tara never had time for a social life, but she had come to like it like that. Certainly her father had never let her have any friends
Gidget: …for supper, since rumors of cannibalism would ruin the Thompson name.

anyway
A wave of anger rose up to her throat, but with a practiced swallow, she closed her eyes and found her calm. She had long ago discovered that detached indifference was the best way to deal with her father, and had proved beneficial in most other situations as well. Tara had grown to find emotions distasteful, a weakness, but she couldn’t help feeling a sense of urgency to
Gidget: … remove her clothes and sing I am Woman.
fulfill her duty.

‘I’ll show you, father,’ she thought. ‘I’ll prove how wrong you were about me." An embittered frown crept on her face without her realizing it.
Gidget: Get the Raid!
Starflash: You know, someday I’ll have to hurt you…

* * *

Czar Lionel Ruben sighed deeply as he went through another record. Like he had expected, it carried bad
Wildcat: …vibes.

news. Kurumu’s chief export, sugarcane, had been hit once again by devastating
Joe: Athlete’s foot.
plague. That had been 3 years in a row, and there seemed no chance of the plague relenting in the near future. Ruben pulled his chair away from his desk and forced his tired body to stand up as he tried to take the kink in his neck out. His large jackal ears perked as he picked up a faint
Katarina: …case of crabs.
sound outside the window. Ruben looked between the Venetian blinds onto a scene he had half-expected to see. The people were revolting again.
Baloo: The only thing ‘revoltin’ around here is that cheesy chancellor!
Rebecca: Who?
Baloo: Nothin’.
Probably one of the local prophets had stirred them up with old wives’ tales about the Treasure of K’ufu. This sort of thing had been happening more and more often ever since Professor Ratbert had uncovered the artifact. He also noted that they seemed far more angry and purposeful than they ever had been before.

Ruben turned to see his aide approach. The smaller dog had a distinct look of anxiety in his eyes. "I’m afraid we have a problem, sir."

The Czar looked at him with wearily. "Something to do with the Professor, I wager?"

"I’m afraid so, your Excellence. He’s going on with the
Katarina: …sex change operation.

auction."

"WHAT?!" Ruben’s weariness left him, replaced by a fuming anger. "When did this happen?"

His aide put his hands out in a hopeless gesture. "He did it behind our backs, Excellence. Contacted them on his...." the aide had to pause to get his tongue around
Yakko Warner: Good-night, everybody!
the strange word. "..radio-broadcasting machine."

Ruben could feel his
Gidget (clamps hand over Yakko’s mouth)
temper reaching the boiling point. "Send him in," he said with a grumble. The aide took off
Scarlet: ..his clothes.
quickly, and a few moments later an all-too-familiar smug, smarmy face peeked though the door. Ruben hated everything about Ratbert, and the fact that he couldn’t function without him anymore only added that enmity. Ratbert gave him the nefarious smile of someone who knows they have the edge.

"Keeping your subjects happy, eh, Ruben?"
Rebecca: Th-that’s disgusting! He’ll get the clap!
Baloo: I don’t feel like clappin’, Becky. He wasn’t that good.

His voice tinged with self-importance. He sauntered in and plopped himself
All: EWW!!
casually into the chair.

Ruben exhaled sharply, fighting down the urge to snap the little weasel’s neck. "This mob is your doing, Ratbert. You knew this would happen if the auction took place! These are long-lost religious artifacts! They have a right to stay with my people, not sold off to some ¼foreigner!" He tried to keep the loathing out of his voice. Kurumu tradition stated that in order for the citizens of Kurumu to stay uncorrupted, they were to keep their
Gidget: …"transactions"… (snorts)
with outsiders to a minimum. This breach of values was definitely going against the grain.

Ratbert sat up a little straighter, looking him in the eye. "And that’s exactly what got you dumb jackals into this mess in the first place! Your economy was in shambles, your country about to collapse, but oh no! You wouldn’t dare ask for help! That would go against all you hold dear." Ratbert got out of his seat and leaned over Ruben’s desk,
Gidget: his womanly charms almost spilling out of the low-cut blouse he wore.
. "So instead you came to me! And didn’t I solve all your problems?"

Ruben frowned. "No, you haven’t! You still have not given me the complete amount we agreed on."

"All in due time, Czar," he sneered. "For now, you have enough money to keep your little country going for a while longer, and as soon as I sell off the treasure, you’ll get the rest."

Unable to keep his rage in any longer Ruben slammed the desk with his palm, and was gratified to see Ratbert jump back a little.

"That wasn’t part of the deal! I may have agreed to let you give away our deeply religious artifacts to outsiders, but I said nothing about allowing the auction to be held here in
Gidget: …Don Karnage’s pants?
Kit: My sweater?
Starflash, Scarlet and Ted each give them strange looks.
Kraumu!"

"Do you think I’m going to hull all that junk out of your country just so you can feel a little better about yourself?" Ratbert paused, letting his statement sink in. "I’m not going anywhere. You just make sure the auction goes smoothly and that none of your fanatical subjects tries to ruin it and you’ll get your money, plus the pride in knowing that no foreigners, other then myself, found out the *shameful* secret of Kurumu."
Myra Foxworthy: Someone built their pyramid upside-down too?
Baloo: Mummy? (looks around nervously)
Rebecca: Not to you, buster. I’m your love-muffin.
Baloo: Mmmm… muffins.
Ratbert was already heading for the door, leaving no chance for the Czar to argue.

"Be seein’ ya, Ruben," he said with a slam of the door.

Ruben, unable to control his rage any longer, took it out on an unfortunate paperweight on his desk.
Wildcat: Aw…poor paperweight! (starts to cry)
Shere Khan: That paperweight was only $1,000.

As the object shattered on contact with the door, Ruben sank into his desk, hands covering his face. Blast, he was a fool. He should have known better than to seek help from an outsider! This just proved all the more that they couldn’t be trusted.

At least they’d all be staying at the La Rosa. The hotel was kept in peak condition even though the rest of Kurumu crumbled around it, the perfect cover-up to Kurumu’s problems. As long as they didn’t leave the
Gidget: … pentagram.
hotel grounds.

Ruben sighed. He had sold his
Gidget: …body
country to the foreign devils, and now they were coming to defile it.
Katarina: Mmmm… ‘defile’ Heh-heh, heh-heh.
(Joanna looks at the others and points at her head, making a circular motion with her finger in the universal ‘she’s crazy’ gesture.)
He knew that at the time, Professor Ratbert had been his only hope besides shamefully pleading some other country for aide, but now it seemed that national bankruptcy would have been a safer bet.

The sound of the unruly mob got louder.
Katarina: Orgy! Yeah, baby!
(Scarlet bitch-slaps Katarina)

* * *

"¼.has assured the world that Kurumu is more than happy to host the auction, which will be held in the capital city of Kraumu at the Hotel La Rosa¼."

Rebecca Cunningham, owner and boss of the shipping company cleverly dubbed ‘Higher For Hire,’ snapped off
Gidget: Her bra
Baloo (wakes up from one of his naps in the hammock) Huh? Becky? Ya wanna?
Rebecca: Go back to sleep, you oversexed moron.
Baloo: Okay… (mutters something about ‘a false alarm’)

the radio as she stood up from her desk and paused to stretch and fluff her thick brown
Gidget: armpit hair.

"Baloo, I’m ready. Could you help me with my
Baloo: (hopefully) …bra? Sure!
Rebecca: Lie down! Roll over! Sleep!

bags?" She called sweetly. There was no reply. Rebecca muttered under her breath as she stomped up to the steps. "Baloo!" She shouted up to the loft. "Get your lazy, pilot rump down here NOW!"
Baloo: Aw, make up yer mind, will ya? I ain’t a no machine.
Rebecca: Don’t I know it! (turns on the Pleasure-me 2000 vibrator and it starts to hum). Ahhhhh….

She smiled when she saw her pilot grumble as he trudged down the steps. "Come on Baloo, I don’t want to be late
Gidget: … That’s how she got Molly.
," Rebecca scolded.

"Awww, don’t get your curls in a knot, Becky. The auction isn’t for another two days! Why do we have to leave so early?"

"Because I’m in charge and I say so," she said smoothly. Baloo already knew the reason why they were going, and he refused to admit what a wonderful opportunity the auction was. Instead, she had found herself bribing Baloo into coming by promising that she would
Gidget: …slather him with suntan lotion and butter
do all the work while he and Kit took a paid vacation. Rebecca would have liked Wildcat, their mechanic, to come along as well but he had already taken his vacation to go see his girlfriend Clementine-something-or-other
Gidget: … in a burleque show.
Baloo: Doggone it, he’s havin’ more fun than I am!

"Think of what that could do for Higher For Hire!" Rebecca added as she got a faraway look in her eye thinking about it. "We can get more business *Inter* -nationally! I expect this little trip will at least triple our business if I play my cards right." Baloo snorted
Gidget: …and farted
loudly, unimpressed.

‘Figures,’ she thought. Baloo just didn’t have any business sense. Of course, if he _did_ have any, she wouldn’t be the owner and boss of Higher For Hire, so she wasn’t complaining. After all, he was a pilot. Probably one of the best
Gidget: …she ever had
, Rebecca had to admit.

"And I’ll get to see what kind of chance I have in winning the bid for that K’ufu box."

"Slim to none," muttered Baloo.

"What was that?"

"I said, sounds like fun!
(Gidget makes whip-cracking noises)
Where’s Kit?" He looked up to see the young cub sliding down the banister at supersonic speed.
Ace London: He stole my engine!
Kit: Ya got that right!
Ace London: He stole my tag line!

"GERONIMOOOO!!" Kit called as he flew down and crashed into him. Baloo let out a
Gidget: …fart
grunt as he hit the floor.

"Sorry about that, Papa bear," Kit smiled weakly as he hopped off of Baloo’s chest.
Joanna: Nice coconuts.
Baloo: Thanks, but I ain’t wearin’ any… hey!

Baloo chuckled as he got up. "That was quite a dive Kit, but I think you’re getting a little too big for me to catch
Gidget: The clap
Baloo: I told ya, I don’t feel like clappin’!
(Rebecca rolls her eyes)
ya."

Kit smiled. At fifteen, he was now as tall as Rebecca, and had traded in his old, well-worn green sweater for his ‘Cape Suzette High School Track&Field’ coat. And he still had a lot more growing to do.

"Yeah, you’re probably right papa bear. Guess I’ll have to try the real thing, then," he hinted at Baloo.
Baloo: (confused) Ya want Coca Cola?
Rebecca: Baloo does not take hints. Ever.

"Now, don’t get ahead of yourself, lil’ britches."

Rebecca had been watching the two with a mixture of amusement and affection as she took a quick glance at her notepad to make sure they weren’t missing anything.

"Did you two convert your money into Shaboozies? It’s the only currency they’ll accept there, you know," Rebecca warned them.
Gidget: Aren’t Shaboozies used in Cape Suzette too?
Starflash: Oh, be quiet.

"Yes," they droned.

"Okay, let’s see..." Rebecca mumbled to herself, ticking off her checklist as she went. "Got my suitcase... reservation... dropped Molly off
Gidget: … the Grand Canyon
Rebecca: (shocked) I’d never do that. It would spoil the scenery!
at Linda’s... what am I missing?"

"Your ride
Baloo: … on the Baloo Express. Com’ere. (pats his lap)
Rebecca: And I thought your appetite for food was bad enough.
over there," Baloo teased as he made his way to the Sea Duck. "Hey Kit, you wanna do the takeoff for me?"

Kit’s eyes lit up. "CAN I?" He asked excitedly.

Rebecca frowned. "Are you sure that’s a good idea, Baloo? I know he can do it, but still, he doesn’t have a licence
Gidget: …to kill. Bond, James, Bond.
If we get caught-"
Gidget: … making out in the Sea Duck…

"Oh, Ree-becca! Who’s going to see us? It’s a vacation! Let the kid have his fun," Baloo insisted.

"Well...alright." Kit whooped
Gidget: …on the cushion.
All: Kit! Suppress yourself!
for joy. "But just this once, and Baloo takes over for the landing," she added.

"Yes, Miss Cunningham," Kit said quietly.

Later, Rebecca wondered whether or not she should have given in so readily. Kit certainly had the potential to be a good pilot, but he still lacked experience
Gidget: … with flapping his arms.
, and as the plane took off a little too suddenly and the engine sputtered from the strain, she bit her tongue not to take it back.

Kit and Baloo didn’t seem to notice. "I can’t wait to see Kurumu!" Kit said excitedly. "I read somewhere that in Kurumu there’s stuff that dates back to the beginnings of civilization!" Kit was still sitting in the pilot seat. The co-pilot controls were on the fritz
Joe: …the Cat.
, and normally the Sea Duck wouldn’t dare leave the ground without back-up controls, but with Wildcat gone, they had to make do-do.
Which was something that made Rebecca even more nervous.
Rebecca (lets one go herself): Oops. Now I’ve got skid marks too.

"That’s right Kit," Rebecca started talking to soothe her uneasiness. "Although not many people been inside Kurumu for almost 200 years."
Gidget: Maybe if Kurumu wore something slinky with tassles…

Baloo was less enthused. He pulled his pilot’s cap over his eyes to keep out the sun as he crossed his massive grey-furred arms. This was not how he had wanted to spend his vacation, but at least this way he was getting paid for it. It was just the company he was dreading. Snooty business-types really blew his
Yakko Warner: Uh….
Baloo: Shut up, ya… weirdo. (scratches head) Uh, Becky, what the heck is he, anyway?
Rebecca: That thing? He’s Molly’s new little brother.
Molly: I thought he was a new pet.
Rebecca (patiently): No, Molly. You’re the pet. Get off the furniture.
Molly: Oh. Okay. (happily skips away and crawls through the pet door)
carbs. But so long as Rebecca dealt with them, Baloo figured he’d at least be able to sleep through the whole thing.
Rebecca: Believe me, he doesn’t! The bed moves so much I get seasick.
Baloo: Aw, ya love it, baby. How’s about another three-hour tour?
Rebecca: Oh, all right. Race ya! (they leave, running)

"The place l’probably be crawlin’ with low-lives just waiting for naïve tourists to show up. Just keep an eye on your purse there, Beckers."
"Oh, don’t be so paranoid Baloo," she made a dismissive gesture. "This is a wonderful opportunity. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even get the highest bid on the box¼but I know that’s unlikely."

‘Ya got that right,’ he thought. "Becky, people from every corner of the continent are going to be there. Rich people!"
Karnage: Finally, something worth eavesdrooping for. Come, my men. Let us get a ‘piece of the auction’. Ha-ha! I make a joke! (waits, then glares) Laugh, you humorless tumors! Otherwise it goes to waste!
(Pirates laugh dutifully)

Again Rebecca brushed it off. "Oh, that doesn’t matter," she said easily. "It’s a keen mind and sharp business sense that win auctions."

Baloo rolled his eyes to the ceiling and turned to watch Kit fly the plane. Kit’s eyes were fixed out the window, his face taut with concentration. The sunset ahead of them bathed him in light, giving his light brown fur a coppery shine.
Kit: And I owe it all to Clairol. After all… I’m worth it!
Karnage (sniffs Kit’s head): Gee, your fur smells terrific!

Every so often, Kit’s eyes checked the instruments for readings. The Sea Duck was flying smoothly. Baloo’s chest swelled with
Gidget: …the tissues he’d stuffed into his coconut bra.
Karnage: … the K’ufu tissues?
Scarlet: Okay, I lied about that. K’ufu is a meat substitute, querida. Okay?
Karnage: Okeedokee and do not lie on me again!
Scarlet: (rolls her eyes) Whatever.

pride. Ever since he and Kit had stumbled upon each other
Gidget: … in the dark
, they had become as close as a father and son. Baloo wouldn’t change
Gidget: …his gender, even though he liked to wear women’s clothing
that for anything.

‘That’s my boy,’ he thought. ‘You’re gonna make your ol’ Papa Bear real proud someday.’
Gidget: Poor Kit. He’s not proud of you yet.
Kit: Aw, fishsticks! Ol’ Papa Bear has such high standards. I’ll never live up to them --- never! (sobs)
(Ted bangs his head on a wall)
He smiled and settled down for a quickie
snooze as they turned towards the horizon.

* * *

Mad Dog sniffed his long snout absently
Gidget: ‘Sniffed his own snout’? That’s talent!

and scratched his gangrene

ly arm as he turned the wheel of the giant pirate airship, the ‘Iron Vulture’ slightly to correct their heading, which he was personally, very much against going to in the first place.

"But Cap’n, what do you want with some rusty old box?" His voice came out whinier than usual as he turned to look at Karnage, who was lounging casually in his Captain’s chair.

"Because, my mindless minion," the red wolf put down the newspaper he had been reading to blink lazily at his lackey. "Imagine the world’s reaction when I, Don Karnage, come to bid at the auction with other gentlemanly-business-types?"

Mad Dog could just imagine
Gidget … fun things to do with the lint from his bellybutton.
. He didn’t like this idea. Like most pirates, he sneered at the thought of acting even remotely like a gentleman. Getting things the honest way just made absolutely no sense to him. "But aren’t you afraid of getting arrested?"
Gidget: (in nasal Boo Boo voice): The ranger’s not gonna like this, Yogi

The pirate Captain stretched and stood up, his fiery tail flicking absently. "Don’t be a fool, Mad Dog. You know very well that Kurumu doesn’t recognize *foreign* outlaws. As long as we behave ourselves there, no one can lay a finger on us."

"But Cap’n, why do you want to *buy* the treasure? Why can’t we just take it?!"

Karnage was getting annoyed. "Are you implying that I cannot act like a gentleman, Mad Dog?"

Mad Dog winced. "Of course not, Cap’n¼I just meant that it doesn’t seem your style." He cringed and prepared himself for a smacking kiss, knowing he had probably said too much.

Instead the pirate turned thoughtful. He seemed to consider what Mad Dog had said for a while
Gidget: … but he really hadn’t heard a word. He was too busy thinking about babes and monster trucks.
. "It is true, I am going against my nature, which has served me so well up to this point." He walked toward the giant observation window, his boots pounding noisily on the metal deck of the bridge. The setting sun cast a long shadow of his silhouette across the room. "Perhaps I want to prove to myself that I can obtain goods by honest means¼just to see what it’s like, for a change." He whisked around. "And this auction gives me the perfect chance!"

Mad Dog stayed silent for a while, unsure of how to react to this rarely seen philosophical side of his Captain. "But what if you lose the bidding?" He finally said.

"Simple. Then we steal it."

* * *

The crocodile chewed on his cigar
Gidget: …totally ruining it with his carnivorous teeth.
, deep in thought as he read the newspaper. He looked up in annoyance as a stork bird with thick glasses warily entered his office. "What do you want, Agarte?" He demanded. The stork swallowed nervously as he tried to stop trembling.

"I apologize, Mr. Crockopolis, but you wanted me to inform you when I was able to get reservations at La Rosa."
Gidget (as Agarte): Honey, it’s that tropical getaway we’ve always wanted! It’ll be like a second honeymoon.

"Ah, good. Put them on the table and ready my plane." Agarte ran out quickly, relieved at the chance to get away from his dangerous employer.

Crocko shoved the reservation in his coat pocket as he pushed the seat away from his desk. He pulled his extremely large
Karnage: Oh nonononono… stop it with all of these extremely un-tasty jokes!
girth up with some effort as he stood. "Today is a good day," he said to himself. "Soon I will have the rarest treasure of them all."
Gidget: Love? That’s the usual crappy treasure that cartoons tell us we should want. Or a home with a mommy and a daddy (sticks finger down throat)
Joe: You’re so cynical, Gidge.
Gidget: So are you, Sunshine Boy.

He looked around with pride at his collection of one-of-a-kind artifacts. Obtaining rarities was his life, and most of the objects in his office had been obtained by less than honest methods, but that mattered to him not. He smiled a toothy crocodile smile. Of course, he had no intention of doing any differently in Kurumu, but it was wise to at least pretend to be honest once in a while.

He looked at the one spot on his glass counter that was not filled. ‘Soon I will have the Box of K’ufu, and then I will have the greatest collection of
Gidget: …Superman comics!
Wildcat: …scabs!
artifacts in the world. I will be richest man alive!’

* * *

Rebecca opened her eyes wearily the next morning as she got up from the bunk and straightened her rumpled clothing.
Baloo: Don’t bother, baby. Round Two is in a few minutes. Right after my Cheerios.
She frowned at herself for falling asleep without changing first.

Rebecca washed her face in the sink and combed her hair as she looked out one of the windows. The sky was just turning a clean, fresh blue and clouds that resembled cotton candy whizzed lazily past. Below her was the jagged grey lines laced with snow, which told her that they were mountains.
Gidget: Wow… talking snow!
(Starflash bitch-slaps her)

When she went up to the cabin, Kit was still in the pilot seat. "Kit? What are you doing there?" She gasped. "You didn’t fly all NIGHT, did you?!"
Baloo (through a mouthful of cereal): We did!
Rebecca (sternly): Hush!

Kit looked guilty. "I didn’t want to wake Baloo up." Rebecca wasn’t listening. She stomped up to the co-pilot seat and twisted Baloo’s
Yakko Warner (mutters): I promised I wouldn’t say it… I promised I wouldn’t say it…
Gidget: Talk about tough love.
B&B: Go a-way!
ear.

"OOOOWWW!" Baloo protested as he was woke up. "What the heck did you do that for?!"

Rebecca glared at him. "Kit flew all night, Baloo! You were supposed to take over and let HIM get some sleep!"
Baloo: You were with Kit, Becky?
(Rebecca bitch-slaps him)

Baloo was genuinely surprised. "It’s morning? Kit! Why didn’t you wake me up?"

Kit’s face fell. He was about to answer, but Rebecca cut in. "Kit, what if something happened? There’s no way of knowing that you’d be able to get Baloo up in time."
Kit: Hey, I’m the navigator and that’s it!

"I’m sorry Miss Cunningham...I just wanted to see how long I could go without
Gidget (as Kit): losing control of my bladder.
Ted: GRRRR!!! (bitch-slaps Gidget)

a break. Test out my night flying," he said unconvincingly.

Rebecca sighed. She knew there was no way of deterring Kit away from the yoke of
Gidget: … an egg.
a plane. It was where he was meant to be. But he also had to have his enthusiasm held back for his own good.

"Kit, let Baloo take over. He flies the plane for the rest of the trip."

Kit tried to protest. "But Miss Cunningham!"

"No buts, mister!" She ordered. "You get back in that copilot’s seat and navigate!"
Gidget (as Rebecca): Now face the wall and think about what you did, young man!
Joe: Didn’t they do that in the Blair Witch Project?
Rebecca (peeved): I do not talk like that! (small voice) Do I?
(No one answers… just sounds of coughing and shuffling feet)
Rebecca: Oh, come on!

She pointed towards the seat, her face set in a frown.

Kit regretfully passed
Gidget: … wind.
(Ted starts choking her, Homer Simpson-style)
over control to Baloo, who said nothing. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Rebecca went back into the cargo hold. Kit turned to Baloo.

"I’m sorry Baloo. I know I should have woke you up," he gulped.

Baloo didn’t say anything for a long time. "I’m disappointed, Kit. You usually do what you’re told."
Ted: ARRRGH!!!

Gidget: Get the tranquilizer gun, quick!
Ted: (glowers at Baloo) I’ll be good.
And he *was* disappointed. He knew how much the kid liked flying, but Rebecca was right. He was obsessing. Kit needed to get away from flying for a while.

Gidget: … and take up another hobby, like needlepoint.
(Ted bitch-slaps her)

After a few minutes, Baloo asked for their heading. "Just keep going straight ahead, Baloo," Kit answered quietly.

Baloo raised his eyebrows. "No correction at all?" Another thought crossed his mind. How had Kit managed to stay on course while flying the plane? He was pretty sure he knew the answer. "You navigated too, didn’t you?"

Kit sighed. "Yes," he said wearily. ‘How else was I going to keep us on course?’ he thought.
Ted: Duh, Baloo!

"That’s dangerous, Kit! You don’t even have enough experience to even fly on your own yet. You can’t start trying to do two things at once on top of that!"

Kit asserted himself. "I kept us on course didn’t I?" He said a little too loudly.

"That’s not the point, Kit."

"Forget it, I know. I’m not old enough! I don’t have enough experience! I’m too young for this, I can’t do that!" He said in a mocking tone. "That’s getting to be all I hear from you to anymore!" Thoroughly ticked off, Kit turned away from Baloo.
Gidget: …and blew his nose.
"Kit, I know how much you want to fly," he said softly. "But you have to keep your feet on the ground a little while longer, okay? Get your head outta
Gidget: …your ass.
the clouds." He didn’t get an answer. "You’ll be flying on your own
Katarina: …farts.
before ya know it," he assured.

Kit sighed. "I know, Baloo¼I’m sorry."

Baloo smiled "It’s okay, partner. Hey, how far are we from Kurumu right now?"

Kit checked his map. "About 400 miles."

"Great, we’ll be there in a couple of hours."
Molly: Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
Gidget: Muzzle!
Molly: (subdued) I’ll be good.

The rest of the flight went by quickly. When they were above Kurumu, Rebecca came
Baloo: Wa-hoo! (high-fives Rebecca)
up to stand between the seats.

"My, it’s so secluded! Look at that, the whole country is surrounded by mountains!" Truth be told, it wasn’t a very big country. Baloo could easily see the mountainous boundaries far off on the horizon. The sub-tropical climate of Kurumu was caused by moisture coming off
Gidget: … his breath

of the ocean and getting trapped by the mountains. Kraumu, the Capital was situated about 50 miles from the coast.

"There’s the airstrip! Coming in for a landing," Baloo announced. As the plane touched down on the strip, Baloo had to concentrate to keep the plane straight on the loose gravel. Obviously the runway had only been constructed recently, and in quite a hurry, too. The single air control tower ordered them to park their plane in Hanger #26.

Gidget: Why not Room 22? Room for one more! (Twilight Zone ref)

As they taxied the plane toward the group of runways, they could see some other guests, mostly very rich ones, with the ladies wearing diamonds
Gidget: …and nothing else. Shock you?
Indiana Jones: Nothing shocks me. I’m a scientist.
and the men wearing top-hats, and the butler carrying the luggage. Baloo couldn’t help but scowl at the sight of them.

After they got out of the plane, Baloo looked around the hanger critically. "This is nothing but sheet metal," he said as he banged on the walls. "This couldn’t keep a spit wad out! I can’t leave my baby in here!"

"Baloo, don’t start! Who here is going to want to steal a cargo plane?! Just forget about it," Rebecca hissed. The trio walked to the airport. A leopard in a bellboy suit came up to them.
Scarlet: and said, "Hi, is this the bachelorette party? I’m the new guy. I’ll rock your world!"

"Do you honored guests require transport to the Hotel La Rosa?" He asked in an overly polite voice.

"Yes we do," Rebecca said. "Where do we go to call a taxi?"

The bellboy’s eyebrows rose. "Taxi? Oh, no! For honored guests such as yourselves, we have only the best methods of comfortable transportation." He whistled shrilly, and a ‘Roars-Royce’ whizzed
Karnage: Could it not wait until it got home?
up to the curb.

"May I take your bags?" The bellboy asked.
Baloo: Hey-hey! You leave my mother outta this!

As the automobile pulled up to the Hotel, Kit and Rebecca put their faces as close to the windows as they could manage.

"Oh, Baloo, would you look at that?" Rebecca breathed. The hotel’s architecture was reminiscent of the Taj McCaw’s, with graceful arabesque decoration and exotic landscaping.

Baloo snorted. "Yeah, talk about your snob stops." He refused to be impressed by the opulence of the entire scene. Rebecca frowned at his reaction, but took stock in the fact that Kit was enjoying it. ‘So what if Baloo refuses to have a good time?’ she told herself.
Rebecca: We’ll have a good time later (winks at Baloo).

As they took their bags and went to the lobby, and Rebecca’s eyes went wide. It was breathtaking! The marble floors were as reflective as mirrors,
Kit: Wow, I can see up that lady’s dress…
Rebecca: Blindfold!
and everywhere she looked she saw chandeliers, antique furniture and dark, rich wood. She inhaled deeply to smell the refreshing odor of polished wood and
Rebecca: …Baloo’s socks (holds her nose).
Baloo (indignantly) Hey, that ain’t nothin’ but pure Baloo! The mosquitoes love it!

floor cleaner.

Rebecca was also astonished at the number of people she was able to recognize. A lot of them she had only read about in the newspapers and heard about on the radio. Real tycoons!
Joe: These ones were not made out of chocolate. She’d been disappointed before.
Others she had met in seminars and other social gatherings. They smiled and said hello, but were in too much of a hurry to stop and talk.
Gidget: Because they hadn’t gone to the bathroom since they left home either.

The desk clerk was a large hippo with a mustache, and he gave them an insincere smile. "Helloooo! Welcome to the Hotel La Rosa. May I help you?" He said in an overeager voice.
Baloo: Ain’t he the same guy who sold ya Hogzilla?
Rebecca: No, I think he’s the guy who ordered that smelly goon to toss me out of that Starrywood restaurant.
Baloo: Or maybe he’s the guy who tried ta bounce me an’ Louie out of another restaurant but Katie said…"
Rebecca: Who’s Katie?
Baloo: Uh… nobody. Man, would ya look at the time! Moose-hunting season, ya know. Gotta va-moose if I want a chocolate one! Ha-ha, ‘va-moose’, get it?
Gidget: Moose-hunting season? ‘Va-mooses’… ka-yoot!

"Reservation for Cunningham?" Rebecca inquired. The clerk looked at his Reservation Book.
"Ah yes, one room for the Cunninghams," he smiled.

Rebecca frowned. "No, I reserved two rooms," she corrected sweetly.

The clerk frowned too. "You ARE Mr. And Mrs. Cunningham, aren’t you?"

Baloo and Rebecca gave each other appalled looks.

"*NO!*" They yelled in unison. "We are NOT married!" Rebecca corrected, a little too quickly.
Gidget (whispers): It’s fate, people!

The clerk looked confused. "I’m sorry, but when you didn’t put a surname down for one of your¼associates, we assumed you were married and¼I’m very sorry, but we don’t have any more rooms available."
Rebecca: Baloo, why don’t you have a last name?!
Baloo: ‘Cause my dad never married Mom. She was never sure which team member was my real daddy.

"WHAT?!" Shouted Rebecca. "I have to share a room¼with HIM?"
Gidget sighs.

Baloo groaned. "I have to share a room with *her?!*" Kit just smiled crookedly.
Kit: I’ll get the camera.

"I’m *veeerrryyy* sorry," the clerk said. He didn’t sound it.

Rebecca sighed. "I don’t suppose you brought another pair of earmuffs, Kit?"
Baloo: You’ll need ‘em. Me an’ Becky’ll be ‘busy’.
Kit: Can I wear Rebecca’s sleep-shades too?

Kit smiled and shrugged. "Sorry."

As they walked away, Rebecca couldn’t help but notice that the clerk wasn’t a native. In fact, now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen any Kurumuians at all. Those proud jackals were known to stand out in a crowd. Their absence from the hotel struck her as rather odd.

As they entered their room, Rebecca was relived
Karnage: She was brought back to life? I did not know she was decreased in the first place.
to see that the room was quite large, had two beds and a couch, so they didn’t have to worry about sleeping arrangements at least.

The suite was like a breath of fresh air, with white-washed walls and open archways. A balcony overlooked an Olympic-sized pool below. This was going to be quite the vacation! Rebecca only wished she had an excuse to stay longer than the two days they were slated.
Baloo: I know what ya mean, baby. I’ll do my best ta make up the time.
As she looked down to the balcony, she noted that a number of people she knew were already down there making money. She’d better get down to business.
Rebecca: (to one of the women) Hey! Get off my corner!

"Okay, guys. I’m going down to the pool to work my magic. I’ll see you later. Do both of you have a key?" They both nodded wearily. "Good. Don’t lose it. And Baloo, try to enjoy yourself!"
Baloo: Okay, but it’s more fun with you.
She waved as she went out the door.

"Baloo sighed. "Well, I guess she’s right. Wanna go down to the pool, lil’ britches?"

"Uh, no thanks Baloo. I’m going to take a walk. I kinda have some things on my mind."
Gidget: Oh gee, what could Kit have on his mind? His pirate past? His tear-jerkin’ orphan days? The fact that everything is always his fault?
Kit: Nooo. If you must know, I was thinking about lint, babes and monster trucks, smartass.
Karnage: No, I’m the smartest!
(Everybody bursts out laughing)

Baloo was surprised. "Well, okay. If that’s what you want. If you need me, I’ll probably be lounging by the pool somewhere¼
Rebecca (drily): Oh, what a surprise.
just don’t go snooping anywhere you’re not supposed to¼"
Kit: You always say that. You know I will anyway. (mutters) Big dumb bear…

"Kay, bye Baloo," Kit was already heading for the door.

"And watch out for
Gidget: …the clap
Baloo: … a certain smartass MiSTer.
Joe (mock amazement): Smartass MiSTer? Is there really such a thing?
pickpockets!" Baloo called as Kit left. He smiled and shook his head ruefully. That kid sure was sure independent. ‘Well,’ he said to himself. ‘Might as well enjoy the break while it lasts.’ He changed and headed for the pool.

Kit sighed as he made his way down the hall, trying to collect his
Gidget: … scabs for his scrapbook.
Katarina: … burritos… before they got lost again.
thoughts. He still felt guilty about what had happened on the Sea Duck.
Gidget: Kit… feeling guilty? No way!
Ted: You wanna die, Gidge?
He hated letting down Baloo and Rebecca, and now they probably wouldn’t trust him anymore to fly unsupervised.
Ted: Like they ever did! Psssffft!!
He knew he would get in trouble, so why had he done it?

"Aww, phooey!" Kit muttered to himself. It sure didn’t happen very often that he got both Rebecca *and* Baloo mad at him. They hadn’t brought it up yet, but Kit knew it was only a matter of time before he got the inevitable ‘pep talk,’ and boy, was he dreading it!

He stopped as he saw a door that had an ‘Employees Only’ sign booming down on him. Kit could never resist a closed door,
Rebecca: So that’s why you always barge in on me.
so he quietly peeked inside to see what was inside. The plain room was filled with stacks of tables and chairs, obviously storage for the auction. He smiled as he closed the door behind him, cloaking the room in semi-darkness.

When Kit needed to be alone, he didn’t do it halfway. It was something he had picked up on the Iron Vulture.
Gidget: The clap?
Karnage: The boy is growing up, yes-no?
Privacy was a rarity on that ship, and he was often punished if he was caught not doing anything, so Kit would always find near-abandoned areas of the ship and quietly dream about flying one of the pirate’s fighter planes.
Gidget: What a surprise!
Kit (annoyed): I don’t always dream about flying.
Ted: Yes you do! What about Flight School Confidential? Remember your roots!
Katarina: Have some Gator-Aide.
He sat on a low stack of chairs and let his thoughts flow forth.

Kit remembered how he had first felt when he realized Baloo had fallen asleep beside him.
Kit: Yeah… first I’ll dump honey over his feet and then get some fire ants…
Rebecca was already long gone
Gidget: She’s dead?
Joe: Only in a fic or two.
in the back bunk, and the realization that he was flying all by himself had just sunk in. He had been very apprehensive at first, and had jumped out of the pilot seat to shake Baloo awake.
Ted: You liar! You never did that.
As he did so, he had brushed against the wheel, veering the plane off to one side. Kit quickly went back to the pilot seat and righted the plane. New feelings seeped into him.
All: EWWW!
He felt exhilarated! Empowered! He had flown planes before, but never like how he was then!

For that brief period of time, the Sea Duck belonged to him.
Rebecca: Kit has my pink slip?
Baloo: Hey, I’ll do the cross-dressin’ around here!

The feeling of the plane all around him, responding to his control, almost like an extension of his own body...it had been too much! Kit just couldn’t let
Gidget: …go. Constipation was such a pain.
that feeling go. For the first time he was flying! Really flying, all by himself!

Flying was a part of him. If he couldn’t fly, he’d go crazy.
Karnage: Crazy? Crazy?
Kit knew he would be able to get his pilot’s licence in another year, but it might as well have been a century away!

And now that he had let down the two people who were the most important to him,
Ted: *ahem*
he had to find a way to win back their trust. Nothing made him feel worse than when he let down the people he loved.

He sighed. It was probably good that he was taking this vacation. Take his mind off of flying for a while.
Ted: Yeah, right! (snorts)

Kit’s thoughts were interrupted by heavy steps rapidly approaching the room. He felt a flash of panic and quickly hid behind a table and some stacked chairs as four men came in and turned on the lights.

"Are you sure no one will disturb us?" A deep, throaty voice thick with a Latin accent demanded.

"Don’t worry, Mr. Crocko. No one needs to be in here until the auction tomorrow. Now, if we could get down to business," he said eagerly. Kit’s ears perked up. He recognized that voice! It belonged to Professor Ratbert, who he had heard on the radio talking about the Treasure of K’ufu.
Gidget: As opposed to the Professor Ratbert impersonator.
What the heck was he doing in a hotel storage room?! The bear cub looked up carefully to spy at the men standing in the room. The two doing all the talking were an overweight crocodile with a cigar clenched between his razor sharp teeth and a short weasel that he figured was Professor Ratbert. The other two were obviously just hired muscle.
Goons: Oh shure! We ain’t got names. We’s just muscle. Just pieces of furniture to youse mugs. We ain’t got no feelins, no nuttin’! (*sniff*)

"I want that box, Professor!"

"Well, Crocko, why don’t you join the other *honest* businessmen and bid for it like everyone else? You certainly have enough money to get it!"

"That, I’m afraid, does not always guarantee. There are some very shrewd people out there. They know how to make a bid work for them."

"Well, what’s your offer?"

Crocko paused. "Ten million Shaboozies. I give you the money, you give me the box. I send it with my men back to my collection, you say it was stolen by one of the fanatical natives."
Gidget: In fiction, is there such a thing as UN-fanatical natives? Are there any natives who wouldn’t bother tossing a virgin into the volcano? Any atheist natives out there?

Kit held his breath in astonishment. He was going to steal the treasure! And the professor was helping him!
Kit: Stealing? How shocking! I’d never do that! Miz Cunningham says stealing is wrong!
Karnage: Somebody scalp the little pipsqueak for me!
Ted: With pleasure. R-r-r-ri-i-ppp!!
Kit: YOW!
Ted (examining the small piece of scalp). Wow… Velcro.

Kit leaned in closer, trying to keep his heart from pounding so loudly.

One of the Professor’s eyebrows rose
Gidget: … and crawled along his forehead
. "You’ve been doing your homework," he said suspiciously.

"Yes," Crocko grunted non-committaly. "I stay for the alibi, and then we part our separate ways."

"Sounds foolproof," Ratbert agreed. Perfect in fact. This way he didn’t have to share a dime with that idiot Ruben. "So where should we handle the¼transaction?"

The two started to talk more quietly. Kit’s head was reeling. The Professor was taking a bribe! And only he knew about it! Kit leaned in closer to find out more, hoping to lead the police to them.
Kit: Golly! Only the police can stop these ruffians!
(Ted slaps his forehead and moans)
Kit (touching the top of his head nervously): Just kidding!

As Kit leaned closer, his hand slipped on a rag. His arm flew into a stack of chairs. They went down with a deafening clatter, leaving him in plain view. The four men looked at him in astonishment.

"An eavesdropper!" Wailed the Professor.

"Get him!" Crocko ordered his thugs. Kit jumped over the chairs and was out in a flash, but the two were hot on his heels. Kit sprinted down the deserted hallway, looking vainly for someone to help him. He pushed a cleaning cart at his chasers to slow them down as he headed for the elevator. It bounced off the rock-hard bodies
Female MiSTers (sarcastically): Oh, yum!
like rubber, barely fazing them.

Kit jumped into the elevator headfirst, and crashed his hand down on the lever. "Come on!" He breathed as he watched the decorative iron gates slowly shut, cutting him off from his followers. He gave a friendly little wave
Gidget: Oh sure. Way to taunt, Cloudkicker.
as the doors closed and the elevator headed downwards. Undaunted, they went for the fire exits. Since there were only two other floors, it would be easy enough to track him.

Kit collapsed in the elevator as it started its slow descent to ground floor, his heart pounding so hard he was afraid it would burst. Kit cursed at the elevator for being so slow. They would probably have the floors covered now, and he couldn’t go back because Ratbert and Crocko were there. His only chance was to lose them by hiding in the throng of people in the Lobby. He didn’t have much time to think about it because at that moment the elevator reached ground floor
Gidget: … slamming into the bottom in an explosion of live cables and twisted bodies frying like bacon…
All: Uh-oh…she said the B-word!
(With a frenzied squeal, Hogzilla charges into Gidget, sending her flying)
Kit: Great, even SHE gets to fly!

As the doors hissed open and the gate raised, he darted out, but not quickly enough. Before he had even gotten two steps out of the door, a hand clamped onto his shoulder in a
Gidget: … Kung-fu grip.
Starflash: K’ufu grip.
vice-like grip.

"You’re comin’ with me, kid," said a threatening voice.
Scarlet: As opposed to a friendly one?

Acting on instinct, Kit turned and bit his captor in the arm. The thug grunted and let one
him go, and Kit was off again.

"Get that kid!" Ordered the bruiser. No one helped him or harmed him as Kit pushed people out of the way,
Tracy Gold: How rude!
running towards the exit. As he made it to the street, he looked back to see that both thugs and Crocko and Ratbert were sprinting down the steps after him. There was nowhere else to go. He was trapped!

Suddenly, a rusty old pickup truck whizzed by.
Gidget: How conveeeeeenient!
Kit saw his chance. He ran and jumped, making a soft landing
Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman: Saved…by kitty litter!
on straw surrounded by rather indifferent pigs. His chasers followed for a while,
Scarlet: Chasers tend to do that, you know.
(Katarina bitch-slaps Scarlet)
but gave up as the truck sped away. Kit was safe...for now.

Eldon
Gidget: … was Murphy Brown’s painter/friend who refused to leave the house. Crockopolis watched the vehicle go, then turned to Ratbert. "You must find that child! He will ruin everything!" He said urgently.

"Relax, Crocko. The police here are useless,"
Joanna (jerking her thumb at Archer): …as usual.
Ratbert tried to simmer Crocko down.
Gidget: Crocko gumbo! Yum!
"...But perhaps we should reconsider our agreement," Ratbert said thoughtfully.

"Are you saying we should scrap the while thing?!"
Gidget: while thing? Wild thing?
Starflash: Will someone please assassinate her?
All raise their hands and chorus: I will!
He said in disbelief.

"It’s a suggestion," Ratbert said, trying to look calm even though deep down, he was quaking.
Gidget: … because the Pleasure-Me 2000 vibrator was switched on.
If Ruben ever found out about this he’d be thrown in jail for sure!

But he couldn’t let Crocko know that. Ratbert had been doing this kind of thing long enough to know not to let dangerous people find out your weaknesses.

"I won’t go to jail, even if I do commit a crime," he lied.
Joanna (nods approvingly): I like his attitude.
"I have diplomatic immunity here. YOU on the other hand¼..I don’t want to see this deal fall through any more than you do, but I’m not going to do anything that may implicate me for bribery! I may not be able to get arrested in this town, but I still have a reputation!"

Crocko frowned. Professor Ratbert was starting to upset him, A dangerous thing to do. "Then what do you suggest I do?"

Ratbert shrugged his shoulders. "Even if the boy goes to the police, they won’t have anything against you until the box is....stolen." He smiled despite himself. "So¼make sure he never makes it there."

Crocko raised a non-existent eyebrow.
Molly (claps her hands): Neat trick!
"You don’t mean-"

"I don’t mean anything. I’m just telling you how it is."

"I see. Thank you for your help, Professor. I believe I can handle it from here."

Crocko walked away. So, he’d have to kill the boy. And anyone close to him the child might have told about them. So be it. He’d done worse things during his life. However, then he could be implicated if he didn’t have a solid alibi. Therefore, he’d have to find someone else to do the job for him, and Crocko was pretty sure he knew the perfect person for it.
Joe: Mary Poppins… practically perfect in every way!

* * *