Joe: Greetings. Upon request from Bunny herself, I have undertaken it to Mist this puppy. Enjoy.

"Lookin' for Love"

Joe: in all the wrong fanfics…

by,

Bunny

"Higher for Hire" was having a slow week... of course, that didn't bother Baloo any...

Becky: Oh wonder of wonders…

gave him more time to hang out at Louie's or nap.

Baloo: Ha. Ha ha. Ha.

It was starting to worry Rebecca, though; they hadn't had a customer all week...

Rebecca: (bitchslaps Joe)

Baloo: (leaning on the desk)

Baloo: Is this a MiST??

Bunny: Hey!

Say, Beckers... you wanna go out to dinner tonight? Kit can look after pigtails...

Joe: I think it's apt that they use 'pig' in a nickname for Molly….

Rebecca: (smiling)Well---

Rebecca: Uh…is he asking me out??

Suddenly, her answer is cut off as a large, handsome man comes in the door.

Rebecca: Yeah, baby! Let's hear it for good timing!

Stevenson:

Kit: That was pointless…

Please forgive the intrusion,

Joe: No.

but I heard this was a cargo business and---

Rebecca: (jumping up)

Joe: and doing calisthenics…

Oh, yes!

Joe: Down, girl!

It is... come right in and sit down

Becky: (bitchslaps Joe again)

Mr....

Stevenson: Stevenson. I just go by the surname, so there's no need to call me "Mr.".

Rebecca: Well, I'm pleased to meet you Mr.--- uh, Stevenson.

Joe: Understood.

I'm Rebecca Cunningham, and this is my cargo pilot Baloo.

Stevenson takes her hand and kisses the top gently, causing her to blush. Baloo gets an angry look,

Baloo: Get help, Joe.

but visibly struggles to say nothing.

Stevenson: Enchante... Rebecca... such a beautiful name... for such a beautiful lady...

Rebecca: (blushing)Oh, Stevenson...

All: Oh, please…

Baloo: Er, ahem!

Stevenson: Oh, hello Baboo. (extends his hand)

Baloo: (annoyed) That's BALOO.

Stevenson: Of course; my apologies...

Baloo: Whatever...

Kit: You'll have the opportunity to use it again…

Baloo goes to accept his shake, but

Joe: finds a bug in it and sends it back…

decideds

Joe: Baaah! The tense is mutating!

to give him a crusher grip. Instead, though, Stevenson is seemingly unaffected, and gives HIM the crusher grip, nearly bringing the big bear to his knees!

Kit: Aggression you say?

Baloo: (shaking his hand out)That's uh... some grip ya got there, pard...

Stevenson: Sorry; hope I didn't hurt you...

Joe: His real name must be Hans or Fritz. (See how I’m making up my own fic to compensate for my boredom??:D

Baloo: (stiffly)Oh, no...

Becky: (covers her eyes) Morons…I'm surrounded by morons…

I'm made o' stronger stuff than ya might think...

All: (make bionic sounds)

I gotta go check and see if my boy's home from school yet...

Kit: Who is he talking about??

He stalks out just in time to see Kit coming up the walk carrying his books.

Kit: (pleasantly)Hey, Papa Bear... (sees the look on his face and gets concerned)What's the matter?

Baloo: (confused)

Becky: I'm so surprised.

Eh?

Kit: (pointedly)Ya look like you could spit nails!

Joe: Is that anything like the guy on Guiness Worlds Records who eats glass??

Baloo: (grumbling)Aw, it's nothin'...

Kit: (shrugs)Kay... I'm gonna go inside...

Joe: while you stay here having your mid-life crisis…

He turns to go in, but Baloo reaches out and grabs his sweater, stopping him.

Kit: What's goin' ON?

Baloo: Uh... Becky's in a meetin'...

Kit: So?

Joe: You know…a "meetin"

Baloo: Nevermind... let's just see if Wildcat needs any help...

Joe: You need to ask??

Shaking his head, he followed him, knowing that he wouldn't tell him what he was feeling in this mood... maybe he could talk him into going over to Louie's for a few

drinks... that should lighten his mood...

Joe: That and Wildcat’s Bag-of-Fun…

Baloo: Hey, Wildcat!

Wildcat: Yeah, Baloo?

Baloo: Uh, you done tuning up the plane?

Wildcat: Yeah, she's all done, Baloo... just perfect...

Joe: (Wildcat then goes insane and starts banging on the Duck with a sledgehammer)

Baloo: Oh...

Joe: (Baloo) I knew we let him out too early…

Kit: (cajolingly) Papa Bear, can we go to Louie's, then?

Baloo: Well...

Kit: Come on; it'll be fun...

Joe: (Kit) And we can steal money from slumped over drunks…

Baloo: (grins)Okay, L'il Britches, let's go!

Joe: Hmm…Baloo must be desperate for cash…

Going to Louie's had the desired effect... Baloo's mood had signifigantly lightened by the time they got home...

Joe: Did Wildcat give him anything before he left??

His grin widened even more when he realized that the

blue Rolls was gone...

Rebecca: (smiling)Baloo, about dinner...

Baloo: You wanna go?

Rebecca: Well, yes... but, Stevenson wants us to go out with him to a business dinner---

Baloo: What?!

Becky: (rubs ear) Oh, thanks tons…

Rebecca: What is your problem with him? He is a perfectly nice gentleman, not to mention a client...

Rebecca: (pores through shotgun catalog)

Baloo: (grumbling)Why would you wanna hang out with some fancy-pants?

Joe: (Rebecca) I want him! Duh…

You don't have "business dinners" with all your clients...

Rebecca: (sighing heavily in exasperation)Baloo, I have had business dinners with potiential clients before... And, you've been there!

Baloo: Yeah, but...

He looks like he's pondering the situation for a minute,

Becky: 'Looks like' being the key words…

and then looks as if something dawns on him...

Joe: (makes 2001 dawn-of-time music)

Baloo: (smiling easily)

Baloo: (writing) Dear Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pilots…

Sure, Becky... Kit, will you look after Molly?

Kit: Sure...

Joe: (Kit) Yeah…..sure I will…uh huh….

Baloo: Kay... You go home and get ready, and I'll come by in a bit when I'm ready to drop off Kit an' pick you up.

Joe: Heh heh. Pick up. Heh heh.

Rebecca: (surprised he'd given in so easily)Okay... wear a tie?

Baloo: Uh, sure, Becky...

Rebecca: (smiles)Okay, well, I'd better get going... See you in a bit...

Kit watched as Baloo got ready.

Joe: How voyeuristic…

The large bear grumbled to himself the whole time, and Kit couldn't make sense of any of it.

Kit: WhatEVER…

Kit: Papa Bear?

Baloo: Huh?

Joe: (Kit) Your fly's open…

Kit: Um, why'd you agree to go if you don't want to?

Baloo: What makes ya think I don't want to?

Kit: Well, you've been muttering under your breath for the past 20 minutes...

Baloo: Oh... uh, sit down, huh?

Kit: Okay...

Baloo: (sitting next to him on the large bed)It's... it's weird, ya know?

Joe: (Kit) Oh no! He's going to have the talk!!! Run, everyone, run!!!

Kit looked at him curiously.

Baloo: Okay... reckon

(crickets chirp)

ya don't... Um, well... this here fancy-pants Becky's wantin' us to have dinner with... something about him... I don't know... I just don't like him...

Joe: (Baloo) could be he wants her…

Kit: Think... what is it about him you don't like?

Joe: (Baloo) His hair…

Baloo: Everything! Especially the way he looks at Becky... and the way she

Joe: (Baloo) pictures him naked…and keeps large posters of him over her bed…

blushed when he kissed her hand... Uh, I mean...

He stopped, putting his face in his hands at realization of what he'd said.

Baloo: Shut up.

Kit: Why don't you just tell her?

Joe: that she makes you horny…Yeah, baby!

Baloo: Well... it's... it's different when you're growed up,

Joe: Yee ha…

L'il Britches... Things are more complicated then when you're a kid...

Kit: Why?

Joe: (Kit) Because I'm just a kid and I have no clue…derrr….

Baloo: Uh... go get my after-shave, will ya?

Ted: We had this discussion before she came onto the board…

After dropping off Kit, Baloo and Becky drove to the restaurant, and saw Stevenson already sitting at a table with a large bottle of champange in an ice-bucket next to it.

Stevenson: (rising

Joe: from his grave

)Ah, how nice to see you both again! Here, let me

Joe: (new guy) shag you, baby!

get your chair, Rebecca... Baloo: Ah, no, allow me...

Rebecca: No, it's just a typo…

Rebecca shot him

Joe: Kind of an abrupt ending, though…

a rather confused look, but sat down gratefully as he pulled the chair out for her. Unfortuantely, though, when he went to push it back in, he pushed it

a bit hard, ramming her into the table!

Rebecca: Ooof!

Baloo: Oh, geez... I'm sorry, Beckers... Let me---

Rebecca: (strained voice)No, Baloo... I'll---

Joe: just sue you, later…

Stevenson: (interjecting with a smirk)Allow a gentlemen to show you how it's done.

Joe: (Stevenson) Yeah, baby! I’ll show you how it’s done…that’s what I’M talkin’ about!…

He gently grabbed the chair and pulled her out, putting her the proper distance from the table.

Stevenson: (smiling down at her)There you are, my dear...

Rebecca: (blushing)Thank you, Stevenson...

Rebecca: (monotone) My hero. Tee hee.

Baloo scowled and grabbed his chair, pulling it around backwards, and sat down. Rebecca looked at him, mortified.

Rebecca: I usually look at him like that…

Rebecca: (whispering)Baloo, we are in a fancy restaurant! Can't you sit properly? Look at Stevenson...

(Baloo) I'm leaving…

Baloo looked at the chair as though he hadn't even realized how he was seated; it was more a practice of habit...

Baloo: (embarrassed)Oh... um... sorry, Becky...

Joe: Ha ha! Baloo's whipped!

Blushing slightly, he turned the chair around.

Joe: Damn.

Stevenson grabbed the champange bottle,

Joe: and hit Baloo over the head with it!!!

trying to twist off the cork,

Joe: Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays??

but it didn't want to come. Baloo had to force himself not to laugh,

Joe: at this fic…

and reached for the bottle with a smirk.

Baloo :(mocking his earlier tone)Allow me to show you how it's done...

Baloo tugged and pulled,

Joe: but Pooh was stuck in the tree…

but the cork was stubborn. Finally he put it sideways on the table, putting one foot on the bottle, and took both hands to give it a good hard tug.

The cork popped free, spewing bubbly all over Rebecca!

Baloo: (mouth dropping open)Oh... sorry, Becky...

Rebecca: (stands up, dripping)Oh!

Stevenson: I... perhaps I could take you for a ride?

Joe: Man, this is FILLED with innuendo…

(Steppenwulf) Why don’t you come with me little girl/ on a magic carpet ride…

Rebecca: That would be lovely...

Joe: (laughs) Interesting reaction…

Baloo, maybe you should just go ahead and get Kit and Molly and take them to the hanger...

Baloo: But, but...

Joe: (Becky) Not the wire hanger!!! Aaaah! (Mommy Dearest ref…)

Rebecca just ignores him as she stalks out.

Joe: hunting her prey…

Stevenson puts a hand under his open jaw, gently pushing it shut.

Joe: He had a wooden jaw…

Stevenson: (condencendingly)Buck up, old boy... we can't win 'em all...

Turning away from Baloo, he smrked evily

Joe: which was hard, with the fake teeth…

and left after Rebecca...

Baloo was looking decidedly sad and dejected as he made his way to Becky's apartment. Knocking

Joe: the door down

on the door, he tapped his foot and waited for Kit to answer.

Kit: (gives Joe a weird stare)

Kit: (looking in the keyhole)Papa Bear?

Joe: (Kit) I see you!

Baloo: (impatiently)Yeah...

Kit: (throwing the door open wide)What's going on? I thought you and Miz Cunningham would be gone for hours...

Joe: (Kit) Playing doctor…

Baloo: Uh, there was a little change of plans... Molly, you mind crashin' at the hanger tonight with us? Molly: Like a sleepover?

Becky: (blinks) Oh, she's just got dialogue there…

Baloo: Uh, yeah, sure.

Molly: (excitedly)Oh, boy! Wait'll I tell Lucy!

Rushing off, she went to

Joe: Olduvai Gorge…

grab her things.

Kit: What'd I miss?

Baloo: (sighs tiredly and slumps onto the couch)I'll tell ya tomorrow, L'il Britches...

Joe: Just that pesky mid-life crisis…

Kit regarded him worriedly. He knew something wasn't right...

Kit: I have many options to choose from in THIS fic…

Meanwhile...

Joe: (in announcer voice) near Wayne manor!…

Rebecca: This is such a luxurious car, Stevenson.

(all three exit)

Stevenson: Why thank you, Rebecca... would you like to go see the lake? There's this spot I like to drive to, has such a lovely view...

Joe: Hint, hint…

Rebecca: Um, well, I suppose--

0. Stevenson: (revving the engine)
0.  
1. Joe: Heh heh..revving his engine heh heh, (and talk about a weird margin change…)
2.  
3. Great! You'll love it...

Joe: Modest, isn’t he?

Rebecca: Oh, you were right, Stevenson... it is a very lovely view...

Joe: (Rebecca) of your neck…

She looked across the water, with the moonlight reflecting off it in awe.

Joe: Moonlight can’t have awe. It’s inanimate.

Stevenson stared at her, not looking at the water at all.

(Rebecca) Get off me!

Stevenson: (staring directly at Rebecca)Yes... a very lovely view...

Joe: (Stevenson) Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrow!!!

After he'd put the kids to bed, Baloo went outside and did something he hadn't done in a couple of years. He reached up in a hidden pocket of the Sea Duck's cockpit

and grabbed a pack of cigarettes.

Joe: What the HELL????!

Going to the outside radio and finding a country station, he popped open a beer and lit up...

Joe: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!! Baloo would never do that! He isn’t a redneck!!!!

Well, I spent a lifetime,

lookin' for you.

Single bars and good-time lovers

Joe: Oh, no…not more white trash lyrics again….

were never true.

Playin' a fool's game, hopin to win.

Joe: NOOOOOOOO!!!

And, tellin' those sweet lies,

and, loosin' again.

Joe: Loosin’. Uh huh. I think someone’s loosin’ their mind…

Rebecca looked at her shoulder nervously as she saw Stevenson's hand on it.

Joe: The killer had severed it from the rest of him…

He started to pull closer to her, as his arm was around her now...

Rebecca: What are you doing?!

Stevenson: What do you think, Rebecca? We are meant for each-other...

I was lookin' for love

Joe: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

in all the wrong places.

Joe: Didn’t Eddie Murphy sing this as Buckwheat??

Lookin' for love

in too many faces.

Searchin' their eyes,

Joe: in jars at the biology lab….

lookin' for traces,

Joe: and fingerprints…

of what I'm dreamin' of.

Hopin' to find

a friend and a lover.

Joe: I’m going to be ill….

I'll bless the day I discover

Joe: a soundproof booth so I can hide from this fic…

annother heart,

lookin' for love.

He'd been kidding himself really, he decided. Becky deserved better than some cargo pilot...

Baloo: Mebbe

Joe: Where are they, Mayberry??

she does need someone like ol' fancy-pants... He could probably giver

Joe: And helper, and challenger…

more what she deserves than I could...

He took the ring out of his pocket and looked at it again. It had been his mother's, and he had been planning to give it to Becky for a week now...

Joe: They had never gone out before and he’s gonna propose….Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

Baloo: (ruefully)Aw, well... just not in the cards...

Joe: (reading Tarot cards, with Romanian accent) I see great promise if you flee from this fanfic…Darkness awaits those who write redneck fics…

Maybe I'll pass ya on ta L'il Britches when he gets older...

Joe: I hope Kit knows a good pawn shop…

And, I was alone then,

Joe: Not this again!

no love in sight.

And, I did everything I could

to get me through the night.

Joe: Playing solitaire, reading a good book, watching that infomercial on the wonders of swindling the elderly…

Don't know where it started,

or where it might end.

Joe: as long as it’s soon, I don’t care where…

I turned to a stranger,

just like a friend.

Rebecca: (putting her palms flat on his chest in an effort to push him away)What are you doing?

Joe: The Venus Butterfly….

Stevenson: Oh, come now, Rebecca... this is what you wanted...

Rebecca: No! This is NOT what I want!

Joe: Apparently, she wants to enact a TV movie of the week plot…

Stevenson: (annoyed)Don't tell me you want that fat, clumsy---

Rebecca: (decks him)

Gidg: (with least possible enthusiasm) Go Becky.

Yes! That is EXACTLY what I want!

Joe: That was a convenient conclusion…

With that, she grabbed her purse and got out of the car.

I was lookin' for love

Joe: No! Mercy!

in all the wrong places.

Joe: Dangit, cut it out! We’ve seen this song enough!!

Lookin' for love

in too many faces.

Searchin' their eyes,

lookin' for traces,

of what I'm dreamin' of.

Joe: I feel like I’m in one of those dreams where I’m running down a tunnel that just keeps getting longer and longer…

Hopin' to find a friend

and a lover.

I'll bless the day I discover

Joe: Benadril…

annother heart, lookin' for love.

Stubbing out his cigarette,

Joe: (throws up)

he looked at the empty bottle and absently threw it into the water, watching it float.

Joe: Next on Talespin:90210, will Rebecca wed Baloo? Will Baloo give up his drug habits??

Reaching in the tiny outside refridgerator

Joe: (Dr. Evil) Throw me a frikkin bone here, Bunny…(as self) C’mon…this is about as in character as making Baloo a Hari Krishna…

Wildcat kept, he grabbed annother,

Joe: Because he was wasted and forgot how to spell…

and lit annother cigarette. As he took a long pull of his beer,

Joe: Children’s programming, this is not…

her face popped into his mind. Laughing,

Joe: at him for being a loser…

talking, that night outside Louie's where they kissed the first time...

Joe: Uh…okay, that would have been helpful information like ten pages ago…

When they danced in her apartment...

Baloo: (taking a final pull from the bottle)

Joe: :b (as Start Smalley) I think…we just need to take a minute here…to admit the dysfunctionality…C’mon..only you can help you.

Here's to you, Beckers...

Rebecca: (coming up behind him and speaking softly)Thanks...

Joe: You giant trailer park trash- wino you…

You came a-knockin' at my heart's door.

Joe: (moans, in agony) Not more country! Anything but that! Please!!!

You're everything I've been lookin' for.

Baloo: (startled)Becky?

Joe: So is he just hearing this song because he’s wasted???

Rebecca: Hey... Um, I'm sorry about tonight...

Baloo: No, I'M sorry...

Joe: You got THAT right…:b

I was just tryin' to impress ya by outdoin' Mr. Manners, and, well...

Joe: The lesson here? Never try…

Rebecca: (hiding a smile)

Joe: behind the paper bag she’s wearing over her head to keep from being seen in this fic…

I'm sorry, too, Baloo... I never meant to make you feel like you had to...

Joe: lose your mind completely…

Baloo: Well, you deserve to be with nice guys like that, I guess...

Rebecca: What are you saying?

Joe: I’d ask the same question, but I don’t care…

Baloo: I'm sayin'... if ya want him, I won't begrudge ya...

Rebecca: (grabs his shoulders firmly)I don't want him! I want YOU.

Joe: Okay, I hereby officially renounce my pro B&B stance…

Baloo: What?

Joe: You heard me, Baloo…(at least until this fic ends…) Speeeew!

Rebecca: (softly repeating)I don't want him. I want you.

Joe: I think Bunny watches too many soap operas…

Wrapping her arms around his waist, she lay her head sideways on his chest...

Joe: and died of shame…

Baloo: Er, uh, Becky?

Rebecca: (looking up)Yes, Baloo?

Joe: Close your mouth, you’re drooling!

Baloo: There's... there's somethin' I want to give ya...

Joe: I don’t want to know!!!!!!

uh, that is, ask ya... I mean...

Rebecca: What's wrong, Baloo? You can ask me anything...

Joe: (Baloo) Why are you so loose all of a sudden??

Baloo nodded, and got down on his knees, taking her hands in his.

Joe: And then he tested her reflexes, and she kicked him in the face…

Reaching in his pocket, he took the ring and placed it on her finger.

Joe: And she became invisible.

Baloo: Becky, will you marry me?

No more lookin' for love,

Joe: (sarcastically) You mean we don’t get to find out what happens?? Damn!

in all the wrong places.

Lookin' for love

in too many faces.

Joe: Make it stop!

Searchin' their eyes,

lookin' for traces

of what I'm dreamin' of.

Now that I found a friend and a lover,

God bless the day I discovered

you, oh, you,

lookin' for love.

In all the wrong places.

Lookin' for love,

Joe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! Stop it! Stoooooooooooop!!

in too many faces.

Searchin' their eyes,

lookin' for traces

of what I'm dreamin' of.

Now that I found

a friend and a lover,

Joe: (bangs on the door frantically) LET ME OUT OF HERE! NOW!!! LET ME OUT!!!

I bless the day I discovered

you, oh, you,

lookin' for love...

*The End*