brandon mozley
Scarlet: A.K.A. public enemy number one
get rich quick it worked for me im 16
Scarlet: Apparently now you, too, can become a bazillionaire without possessing even
the most rudimentary grammar skills! Or even graduating high school!
Tue Apr 30 12:01:55 2002
209.178.131.164
LOTS OF CASH, FAST AND COMPLETELY LEGAL, THIS REALLY WORKS!!
Scarlet: Ever notice how, when someone vigorously insists something is legal, it
usually isn't?
THIS REALLY CAN MAKE YOU EASY MONEY!!IT WORKS!!BUT YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THIS LETTER FOR IT
TO WORK!!!!
Scarlet: Gee, with that many exclamation points, it must be true!
A little while back, I was browsing
through news groups, just like you are now,
Scarlet: No, actually, we're looking at a discussion board. Not a newsgroup. :-p
and came across an article similar to this that said you could make thousands of dollars
within weeks with only an
initial investment of 6.00!
Scarlet: 6.00 what? Pancakes? Gophers? Cashew nuts? Mormons? Paper clips?
Girdles? Eight-tracks? Emus? Susan B. Anthony dollars? Post-it notes? Tofu burgers? Toilet
plungers?
So I thought,"Yeah ,right,this must be a scam",
Scarlet: Um, duh.
but like most of us, I was
Scarlet: --a gullible moron? No, I think that's just you.
curious, so I kept reading.
Anyway,it said that you send $1.00to each
of the 6 names and address stated in the article.
Scarlet: Can I include itching powder? Or at least confetti? I hate it when I open an
envelope and confetti falls out.
You then place your own name and address
Scarlet: Derr, I don't know my own name and address. I guess that's why I got kicked
out of Kindergarten...
in the bottom of the list at #6, and post the article in at least 200 news groups.(There
are thousands)
Scarlet: Oh, yes, let's encourage people to mass-mail spam! There's a noble cause!
*gets out squeegee to wipe up dripping sarcasm*
No catch,that was it.
Scarlet: Unless you count breaking the law with an illegal pyramid scheme and
irritating the living heck out of everyone on the Internet you come into contact with...
So after thinking it over,
Scarlet: I find that hard to believe...
and talking to a few people first,
Scarlet: (my probation officer, my shrink, the voices in my head, the nice man who
lives inside my toaster and my Ouija board)
I thought about trying it. I figured what have I got to loose except
Scarlet: --a horde of ravening, rabid, radioactive wolverines. No, wait, that's what
*I* want to loose...on this spammer!
6 stamps and $6.00, right?Like most of us I was a little
Scarlet: --incontinent. No, sorry, that's just you again. I get confused when my brain
is fuzzed over from reading spam.
skeptical and worried about the legal aspects of
it all.So I checked it out with
Scarlet: --the nice man who slides my meals under the door at the insane asylum.
the U.S. Post Office (1-800-725-2161) and they confirmed it was indeed legal!
Scarlet: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Then I invested the measly $6.00.
Scarlet: You have the measles? Get away! Get away!
Well GUESS WHAT!!
Scarlet: You're a pathetic loser?
...within 7 days,I started getting money in the mail !
Scarlet: What, no anthrax? *snaps fingers in 'aw, shucks' gesture*
I was shocked!
Scarlet: Please say it was by a cattle prod...
I figured it would end soon,
Scarlet: That's what I'm hoping, too. Please, make it stop! *covers eyes*
but the money just kept coming in. In my first, week
Scarlet: *zaps unnecessary comma with her Grammar Faerie wand, incidentally
incinerating everything within a five-foot radius*
I made
Scarlet: --a poopy in my pants!
about $25.00.
Scarlet: Oooh! You're just rolling in dough!
By the end of the second week I had made a total of over $1,000.00!
Scarlet: --on my basement printing press. Hope the Secret Service doesn't find out.
In the third week I had over $10,000.00 and it's still growing.
Scarlet: What, my distaste for you and extreme skepticism about this lame scam? Yes,
both of those things are still growing.
This is now my fourth week
Scarlet: --in Glue Sniffers' Anonymous...
and I have made a total of just over $42,000.00
Scarlet: 42! The meaning of life!
and it is still coming in rapidly.It's certainly
worth $6.00 and 6 stamps.Let me tell you how this works and
most importantly, why it works...
Scarlet: First, you wave a magic wand and click your heels together three times, then
sacrifice a chicken to Xippanawanahatalotl, god of upholstery cleaner...
also make sure you print a copy of this article NOW,
Scarlet: Oh, sure, waste my time AND kill a tree. Lovely.
so you can get information off of it as you need it.
Scarlet: I'll use it to wipe my...er, nose. ;-)
Believe me, it does work!!
STEP 1:
Get 6 separate pieces of paper and write the following on each piece of paper
Scarlet: "I will not bother total strangers with my pointless schemes. I will not
bother total strangers with my pointless schemes. I will not..."
"PLEASE PUT ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST".Now get 6 US $1.00 bills and place ONE
inside each pieces of paper
Scarlet: One. Not two. Not three. Not zero. One. Gee, I'm not much good at counting...
*zaps inconsistent noun quantity*
so the bill will not be seen through the envelope to prevent thievery.
Scarlet: Yes, because thievery is bad but suckering morons into wasting their time with
crap like this is morally upstanding.
Next, place one paper in each of the 6 envelopes and
seal them.Now,you should have 6 sealed envelopes,
each with a piece of paper stating the above phrase,your name and address,and a $1.00
bill.
Scarlet: Should I be taking notes?
what you are doing is creating a service by this.
Scarlet: Prostitutes provide a "service" but they're not legal, either.
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY LEGAL!
Scarlet: You typed it with capital letters, so it must be true!
Mail the 6 envelopes to the following addresses:
#1) Sharon
Scarlet: That Israeli guy?
32 Sleepy Hollow LN
Scarlet: I'd rather face a headless horseman than this crap...
Sicklerville, NJ 08081
Scarlet: Don't you mean suckersville?
#2) Justin
Scarlet: The guy from Rats of NIMH?
3707 Crenna Ave.
Concord, CA 94519
#3) Ty
Scarlet: The company that makes Beanie Babies?
McIntosh
3221 Edward Ct
Lincoln
Scarlet: Can I hire John Wilkes Booth to shoot this spammer, too?
NE 68502
Scarlet: We are the knights who saaaaay...NE! Er, NI!
#4) EZ Ads,
Scarlet: Funny name. What were his parents thinking?
P.O. Box 1274,
Moses Lake, WA 98837.
Scarlet: Holy Moses, this sucks.
#5) Johnathen Schreiman
Scarlet: 50 to 100% of those words are spelled incorrectly. FYI.
22721 lakeway Dr. #410
Diamond Bar, C.A. 91765
#6) steve Male
Scarlet: Is he related to e.e. cummings, since he doesn't capitalize his first name? Or
is he just a lazy dork like you?
71 macintosh Dr.
stobey creek on, canada l8E4
(Be sure to use the correct postage when mailing to the the states or out of the states)
Scarlet: Oh, so this is an international scam! That should make litigation
interesting...
STEP 2 :
Now take the #1 name off the list that you see above,
Scarlet: Because that person was mean to puppies.
move the other names up (6 becomes five ,5 becomes 4 etc...)
Scarlet: I don't think anyone dumb enough to fall for this is capable of such precise
mathematics...
and add YOUR name as number 6 on the list.
STEP 3 :
Change anything you need to,
Scarlet: *sniffs armpit*
but try to keep this article as close to original as
possible.
Scarlet: Horrid spelling, grammar and punctuation and all?
Now, post your amended article to at least 200 news groups. (I think there are close to
24,000 groups.)
Scarlet: You can count that high? :-o
All you need is 200, but remember , the more you post the more money you make!
Scarlet: And the more people who will get annoyed at your utter stupidity!
---DIRECTIONS---HOW TO POST TO NEWS GROUPS---
STEP 1)
You don't need to re-type this entire letter to do your own posting.
Scarlet: No, heaven forbid you'd need to do a little work to get obscenely wealthy...
Simply put your cursor
Scarlet: This tripe makes me feel like cursing.
at the beginning of this letter and drag your cursor to the bottom of this document,and
select 'copy' from the edit menu. This will copy the entire letter into the computers
memory.
Scarlet: Poor computer. I can't wait to forget this crap.
STEP 2)
Open a blank "notepad" file under accessories in windows and place your cursor
at the top of the blank page.From the 'edit' menu select 'paste'.
Scarlet: I bet this person ate paste in Kindergarten. That would explain a lot.
This will paste a copy of the letter into notepad so that you can add your name to the
list.
STEP 3) Save your new notepad file as a .txt file.
Scarlet: Which is the default. Duh.
If you want to do your in different sittings, you will always have this file to go back
to.
STEP 4)Use Netscape or Internet explorer and try searching for various newsgroups (on-line
forums, message boards, chat sites, discussions.)
Scarlet: Reason #1 never to submit your site to a search engine...
STEP 5)
Visit message boards and
Scarlet: --irritate everyone there! Mwahahaa!
post this article as a new message by highlighting the text of this letter and selecting
paste from the edit menu. Fill in the Subject,this will be the header everyone sees as
then scroll through the list of postings in a particular group!
Scarlet: That was so not worthy of an exclamation point.
**REMEMBER,THE MORE NEWSGROUPS YOU POST IN,THE MORE
Scarlet: --people will see what a clueless, annoying loser you are!
MONEY YOU WILL MAKE!! BUT YOU HAVE TO POST A MINIMUM OF 200**
Scarlet: What if I only want to make a little bit of money? Then should I post to only
75? Your brief, vague instructions leave me wanting. (Wanting to bash your skull with a
dead salmon...)
That's it ! You will begin receiving money from around the world within days.
Scarlet: Not that money from Tanganyika would do you a lick of good...
You may eventually want to rent a P.O. Box due to the large amount of
Scarlet: --death threats
mail you will receive.
If you wish to stay anonymous,you can invent a name to use, as long as the postman will
deliver it.
Scarlet: My name is Harry. Harry Butz. *Beavis laugh*
**JUST MAKE SURE ALL THE ADDRESSES ARE CORRECT.** Now the WHY part: Out of the 200
postings say I only receive 5 replies (a very low example).
Scarlet: This whole scam is pretty low, if you ask me...
So then I made $5.00 with my name at #6 Now,each of the 5 persons who just sent me $1.00
make the MINIMUM 200 postings,each with my name at #5 and only 5 persons to each of the
original 5, that is another $25.00 for me,now those
25 each make 200 MINIMUM posts with my name at #4 and only 5 replies each,I will bring in
an additional $125.00!
Scarlet: Math! Bad! Head...hurts! *holds skull*
Now, those125 persons turn around and post the MINIMUM 200 with my name as #3 and I only
receive 5 replies each,
Scarlet: Why didn't I ever do these sorts of story problems in school?
I will make an additional $625.00! OK,now here is the fun
part,
Scarlet: Not really. :-p
each one of those 625 persons post a MINIMUM of 200
letters with my name at #2 and they only receive 5 replies,that just made me $3,125.00!!!
Scarlet: Just think of all the hookers you could buy with that!
Those 3,125 persons will
Scarlet: --curse the day you were born.
deliver this message to 200 news groups with my name at
#1 and if still 5 persons per 200 news groups react I will receive $15,625.00!
Scarlet: I'm reacting, all right, just not in the way you want me to.
With the original investment of only $6.00! AMAZING!
Scarlet: You know that saying about how if something sounds too good to be true, it probably
is? :-p
When your name is no longer on the list, you just take the latest posting in the news
groups and send out
Scarlet: --a sincere apology to everyone whom you bothered with this horse doody...
another $6.00 to names on the list, putting your name at number 6 again.
Scarlet: More like 666.
And start posting again.The thing to remember is,
Scarlet: --everyone in the world will passionately loathe you now.
do you realize that thousands of people all over the world are
Scarlet: --soon going know what an irritating phlegm wad you are!
joining the internet and
Scarlet: --looking at porn instead of--
reading these articles, everday,JUST LIKE YOU ARE NOW!!
Scarlet: Are they hating you as much as I am now?
So can you afford $6.00 and see if it really works?? I think so ...
Scarlet: For all you know I'm surviving by eating cardboard and living in a shopping
cart under a bridge! :-p
People have said,"What if the plan is played out and no one sends you the money? So
what! What are the chances of that happening
Scarlet: Um, let me get my calculator... Oh yeah. 100%!
when there are tons of new honest users
Scarlet: i.e. suckers
and new honest users
Scarlet: That was redundant.
who are joining the internet and newsgroups every day and are willing to give it a try?
Estimates are at 20,000 to 50,000 new users,
Scarlet: Ooh, statistics! This must be a valid financial opportunity, then!
every day ,with thousands of those joining the actual internet.
Scarlet: As opposed to the fake internet?
Remember,play FAIRLY and HONESTLY
Scarlet: *pelts spammer with dead trout* Bite me!