TaleSpin Top Ten Lists

By Scarlet unless otherwise noted.
Some of these are rated PG.

Katarina's Top Tens

Other Fans' Top Tens

Scarlet's Top Tens

The Top Ten Problems at the TaleSpin Thanksgiving Party

10. Khan brought a hideously expensive dessert to upstage Rebecca's cooking.
9.Louie cut the turkey with his feet.
8. Baloo ate so much there weren't any leftovers...or seconds.
7. Molly wanted to watch the parade but Baloo and Louie insisted on football.
6. To Rebecca's chagrin, she cooked her frozen okra client instead of a nonanthropomorphic turkey.
5. Wildcat slipped a little something extra into the punch bowl.
4. Kit got yelled at by Rebecca for making little airplanes out of his mashed potatoes, and then Ted went ballistic on her. ;-)
3. Rebecca's fight with Molly over who got to use the colander for the day.
2. Karnage tried to get Khan to arm wrestle.
Rebecca caught Karnage stuffing her silverware into a loot sack when he thought no one was looking.

Top Ten Reasons To Vote K&K
(See this page for all the details on the campaign to get Kit and Karnage elected to the White House)

10. No more intern problems... just wenches!
9. Forget the poket veto... Karnage will just chop up bills with his sword!
8. Karnage looks good in a suit.
7. Good for Latin American Relations.
6. You can bet the FAA will be well-funded.
5. Save tax dollars by having Karnage provide his own bodyguards.
4. No pesky nagging suspicious that your politicians are dishonest... you'll KNOW they are!
3. A teenage V.P.--fight age discrimination!
2. Kit's already got a red scarf, and Karnage's coat is blue and red... just add a dash of white for a patriotic ensemble!
1. Maybe they can use their clout to force Disney to make new TaleSpin episodes!

Top 10 Things Rebecca Does When no one is Looking

10. Dances around in her underwear.
9. Organizes her 16 identical white turtlenecks
8. Cheats on her taxes
7. Writes sappy love poems to Baloo
6. Plays with Molly's dolls
5. Drinks milk through her nose
4. Holds a seance to contact her late husband
3. Holds a seance to contact Captain Stansbury
2. Goes wild and ties her hair up in a ponytail
1. Scribbles "Mrs Baloo" on scratch paper with little hearts and flowers

Top 10 Things Baloo Does When no one is Looking

10. Dusts
9. Wears socks
8. Naps and eats junk food...same as when someone is looking!
7. Writes sappy love poems to the Sea Duck
6. Plays with Molly's dolls
5. Looks under couch cushions for money to add to his "buy back the Sea Duck" fund
4. Looks through Becky's stuff
3. Smokes some of Wildcat's "stuff".
2. Crossdresses
1. Scribbles "Mr Baloo Cunningham" on scratch paper with little hearts and flowers

Top 10 Things Kit Does When no one is Looking

10. Pretends to fly the Sea Duck
9. Actually DOES fly the Sea Duck
8. Wears pants
7. Writes sappy love poems to the Sea Duck
6. Plays with Molly's dolls
5. Jumps off the observation tower of Higher for Hire with his airfoil
4. Makes prank phone calls
3. Looks through Becky's stuff
2. Wears his cap facing forwards
1. Scribbles "K&K" on scatch paper with little skulls and crossbones

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear on TaleSpin

10. Kit: "Well, Baloo, actually, I'm an alien from the eighth star of the Blaaargh Nebula. That's why I don't have any parents."
9. Louie: "Just what I've always wanted! Lilac-scented bubble bath! You shouldn't have!"
8. Rebecca: "I can't do that! I'm just a poor, weak little woman!"
7. Molly: "Bite me, a** hole!"
6. Khan: "Everybody, Macarena!"
5. Wildcat: "I find your transcendentalist musings to be particularly pedantic, you pseudoerudite cretin."
4. Baloo: "None for me, thanks. I'm on a diet."
3. Mad Dog: "Cap'n, that's a stupid idea, and I refuse to do it."
2. Mrs. Snarly: "Mr. Khan is busy, but go on in anyway. I don't mind."
1. Karnage: "I don't think I'm smart enough to do that."

Top Ten Mysteries of TaleSpin

1. Where is Bagheera?
2. What happened to Mr. Cunningham and Kit's parents?
3. Why does Baloo call Kit "Little Britches" when he wears none?
4. What is up with those funky lines in Becky's hair?
5. What is Don Karnage's species?
6. Where is Don Karnage from in order to have that accent?
7. Where did the Iron Vulture come from?
8. Seriously, now, why hasn't the health department closed Louie's?
9. What's up with Baloo's crossdressing?
10. Where did Shere Khan find a multi-thousand-dollar tie?

Top Ten Alternate Careers for TS Characters

1. Rebecca: Selling home education programs on TV ("Do you want to make more money? Sure, we all do!")
2. Molly: Welch's commercials
3. Louie: Cruise ship entertainment director
4. Shere Khan: Minister of justice is Paris...or have a I seen "Hunchback of Notre Dame" too many times? ;-)
5. Covington: Used car salesman
6. Kit: Flipping burgers at McDonald's
7. Don Karnage: Shakespearean actor(?)
8. Mad Dog: Unemployed bowling alley loiterer
9. Buzz: PBS Science program, ala Bill Nye
10. Baloo: Long-distance truck driver (?)

Top Ten Things Disney Doesn't Want You to Know About TaleSpin

1. Khan Enterprises? A subsidiary of Microsoft.
2. Mr. Cunningham is doing time for embezzlement and tax fraud.
3. Molly isn't his.
4. Shere Khan's claws are artificial.
5. The Iron Vulture is a UFO.
6. Louie's workers are all illegal immigrants.
7. Gibber is actually swearing constantly, and in the original show outline was killed in every single episode.
8. Don Karnage is neither a wolf nor a fox, but the result of a secret government genetic experiment.
9. Douglas Benson? Gay.
10. Flying bears? The writers were on acid.

Top Ten Things You'll Find Under Don Karnage's Bed

1. Restraining orders against fan femmes
2. A dog-eared copy of Treasure Island
3. A mirror and photographs of himself
4. Vitamin C tablets (to avoid scurvy)
5. His pilot's license, which expired in 1929
6. Copies of his wanted poster
7. A scrapbook of newspaper articles and police reports on himself
8. Turnips and sandpaper
9. An unused Spanish-English dictionary
10. A hiding fan femme :-)

Top Ten Things You WON'T Find in Rebecca's Apartment

1. Dustbunnies
2. An unbalanced check book
3. Sappy love poems to or from Baloo
4. A colander without Molly's hair stuck in it
5. More than 5 different outfits. ;-)
6. An unopened container of Frosty Pep
7. Molly's room looking neat and tidy
8. Magazines on creating new hairstyles
9. Roaches
10. Anti-Danger Woman Propaganda

Top Ten Things You WON'T Find in Shere Khan's Office

1. A catnip-scented scratching post
2. Anything that cost less than $100
3. Anything dusty
4. Mice
5. A piece of furniture without claw marks on it.
6. A pilot who isn't a black panther ;-)
7. A litter box
8. The Dummies Guide to Gardening
9. The Dummies Guide to Creating a Worldwide Financial Empire
10. Red ink 

A couple non-TS lists by Scarlet...

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear on Darkwing Duck

1. Darkwing: That photographer didn't get my good side. Oh well, c'est la vie.
2. Launchpad: Hamburger Hippo? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
3. Gosalyn: Ooh, look at that CUTE pink dress!
4. Honker: But I don't WANNA do my homework!
5. Binkie: Screw dinner. I'm not feeling domestic today. If you're hungry, there's cold pizza in the fridge.
6. Steelbeak: You know, Ms. Pine, I find you very attractive.
7. Negaduck: Ooh, look at the cute widdle bunny! Lemme kiss you!
8. Tuskernini: I just don't understand what the guys on MST3K are so upset about. Those are great movies!
9. Quackerjack: Will you be serious for just one minute?!
10. Splatter Phoenix: Wow, like, totally cool! *giggle!*

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear on DuckTales:
[*Shameless plug for my Duckburg pages*]

10. Bubba: "I find your existential philosophy quite intriging. Shall we discuss it over a latte after the opera?"
9. Magica deSpell: "I'm wasting my entire life trying to get a lousydime? Forget that, I'm off to the mall!"
8. Scrooge: "Keep the change."
7. Webby: "Bite me, a** hole!"
6. Gyro: "I don't think this invention is going to work."
5. Ma Beagle: "Do you have any idea how much I have to pay forbabysitters?"
4. Glomgold: "Ohmigosh, I just realized I'm wearing a skirt!"
3. Launchpad: "I'm afraid of heights!"
2. Glittering Goldie: "All right, you old skinflint, I've waited long enough! Either I see a wedding ring or I'll sic my bear on you!"
1. Mrs. Beakly: "Dusting? What a drag. I'm off to Vegas with Duckworth!"


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