Tale Spin Jeopardy
ALEX: Welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy! Today our contestants are ace pilot Baloo, air pirate Don Karnage, and international business tycoon Shere Khan! Usually at this point in the program we ask the contestants to introduce themselves, but seeing as how Mr. Karnage is here, and the show is only 25 minutes long, let's just get started. Karnage, you won the coin toss. Pick your category.
KARNAGE: Let me think...PIRACY for $500, you moron!
ALEX: All right..."This famous pirate terrified victims--"
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* Who is me!
ALEX: No, I'm afraid that's wrong. Please let me finish the whole answer. "...by lighting candles in his beard."
KHAN: *BUZZ* Who is Edward Teach, otherwise known as Blackbeard?
ALEX: Correct! Your category.
KHAN: Disney Animation for $7 billion, please.
ALEX: Uh...they only go up to $500.
KHAN: Sigh. Very well.
ALEX: "This was Walt Disney's original name for Mickey Mouse."
KHAN: *BUZZ* What is Mortimer?
KHAN: Disney Animation for $400.
ALEX: "This Disney character is called the richest in the world."
KHAN: *BUZZ* Who is myself?
BALOO: *BUZZ* Who is Scrooge McDuck?
ALEX: Correct! Your category?
BALOO: Let's try Disney Animation for $100.
ALEX: "These seven dwarves helped Snow White in Disney's first full-length animated feature."
KARNAGE: That is a $100 question?!
BALOO: *BUZZ* Uh...lesse now...Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy...
KARNAGE: Stop describing yourself.
BALOO: Shut up, Karny! Uh...Sleazy--
ALEX: Sorry, that's incorrect.
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* Dopey, Sleepy, Happy, Stupid, Bloated, Slutty, Creepy and Whiny.
ALEX: That is also incorrect. And that was eight.
KHAN: *BUZZ* Sleepy, Dopey, Happy, Bashful, Doc, Grumpy and Sneezy.
[Baloo and Karnage scowl murderously at Khan.]
KHAN: Astronomy for $500, please.
ALEX: "This brilliant star--"
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* Who is me!
ALEX: Again, NO! Let me finish the question! "This brilliant star is the brightest in the night sky."
KHAN: *BUZZ* What is Sirius, the Dog Star.
KHAN: Astronomy for $400.
ALEX: "This star is the closest neighbor to our sun."
BALOO: *BUZZ* Uranus!
KHAN: That's a planet, you cretin.
BALOO: I know. I just always wanted to say "Uranus" on T.V.! Ha ha!
ALEX: Obviously, incorrect. *sigh*
KHAN: *BUZZ* What is Proxima Centauri?
KHAN: Astronomy for $300.
ALEX: "This star is a major landmark for sailors in the Northern Hemisphere."
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* What is the North Star, Polaris?
KARNAGE: Piracy for $400.
BALOO: There's a surprise.
ALEX: "This Jamaican city was a major headquarters for pirates until an earthquake sank the entire city into the sea."
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* What is...or was Port Royal?
KARNAGE: Piracy for $300, por favor.
BALOO: Grumble, grumble...
ALEX: "This is the term used to describe the punishment of dragging a man under a ship until he drowned or was scraped to death by barnacles."
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* What is keelhauling?
BALOO: Even I knew that one!
KHAN: How dreadfully barbaric.
KARNAGE: Piracy for $200!
****WHOOP WHOOP DING DING DING****
ALEX: And that is our audio daily double!
KARNAGE: I like to live dangerously. I will bet it all!
ALEX: Well, you're at negative $100, so the most you can wager is $500.
KARNAGE: Oh. All right.
ALEX: This novel is the most famous pirate novel of all time, and the source of this song:
MUSIC: "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum...16 men on a dead man's chest..."
KARNAGE: What is Treasure Island, of course!
KARNAGE: Let us finish out the category, Alex host-type-person.
ALEX: Piracy for $100 it is. "This is the name given to the black 'skull-and-crossbones' flag flown by Caribbean Pirates."
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* What is The Jolly Roger!
BALOO: Wake me up when he's done.
KARNAGE: Er...what is left?
BALOO: No one's touched Show Tunes.
KARNAGE: Disney Animation for $300.
ALEX: "This esteemed actor was the voice of villain Frollo in The Hunchba--"
KHAN: *BUZZ* Who is Tony Jay.
BALOO: Figures he'd get that one!
KHAN: Let's round off the category.
ALEX: "Disney Animation for $200. This food was shared by the title characters in the most famous scene in Lady and the Tramp."
BALOO: *BUZZ* What is spaghetti?
BALOO: Heh heh..If there's one thing besides flyin' I know about, it's food! Now...aw, all that's left is Show Tunes? Gee whiz. Uh...Astronomy for $200, I guess.
ALEX: "Halley's Comet was in the sky during both the birth and death of this famous American author."
KHAN: *BUZZ* Who is Mark Twain, born Samuel Clemens.
BALOO: Smarty pants.
KHAN: Astronomy for the frightfully paltry amount of $100.
ALEX: Er...all right... "This is the name given to the event when the moon comes between the sun and the earth."
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* What is a solar eclair?
BALOO: *BUZZ* What is a solar eclipse?
BALOO: I guess next I'll take *sigh* Showtunes for $500.
ALEX: "Michael Crawford originally auditioned for this role in Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Phantom of the Opera".
KHAN: *BUZZ* Who is Raoul?
BALOO: Smoley hokes, Khanny, where did you learn all this junk?
KHAN: I read, Mr. Balloon. Showtunes for $400, please.
ALEX: "These two Broadway musicals were based on the hit animated films by Disney."
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* What are Beauty and the Beastie Boys and The Lion King?
KHAN: *BUZZ* What are Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King?
KHAN: Show tunes for $300.
ALEX: "This Broadway actress voices the cat diva 'Rita' on the cartoon Animaniacs."
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* Who is Bernadette Peters?
BALOO: How did you know that?
KARNAGE: I love that show. The puppy-children are funny.
BALOO: Go figure.
KARNAGE: *sigh* Show Tunes for $200, and I will kill whoever made up this category!
ALEX: "This is the longest running musical on Broadway."
KHAN: *BUZZ* What is Cats?
BALOO: Like I said...figures he'd get that one.
KHAN: Let's put this category out of its misery, shall we?
ALEX: "This musical was made into a movie in 1996 that was protested in Argentina."
KARNAGE: *BUZZ* What is Evita? I know Latin America!
BALOO: Oh, brother.
ALEX: Correct! And that's the end of our game. Shere, you have $3,600, Karnage, you have $400, and Baloo, you have $100. Please consider carefully as you make your wagers. The final jeopardy category is..."Endangered Species".
[Jeopardy theme music plays as the contestants scribble down their wagers.]
ALEX: And the final Jeopardy question is..."This endangered sea mammal is thought to be the origin of mermaid legends."
[Jeopardy theme music plays some as the contestants ponder and write.]
ALEX: Time's up! Baloo, your wager...? $100. Your answer?
BALOO: What is Kitten Kaboodle in a bathing suit?
ALEX: Uh...no. Mr. Karnage?
KARNAGE: That is Don Karnage. Roll the R!
ALEX: Your wager...? $250. Your answer?
KARNAGE: I do not know the word in English. This is Spanish...What is the manatí?
ALEX: Judges? Will we accept that? ... Yes, the judges say that is acceptable. The word in English, of course, being manatee. Mr. Khan? Your wager...? $462,323,968.01??? I'm sorry, you cannot wager more than you have.
KHAN: But I do have $462,323,968.01.
ALEX: Perhaps, but not for the purposes of this show. Here, you only have $3600. Sorry, but you're disqualified.
KHAN: (raking the podium with his claws) You'll be hearing from my lawyers, Mr. Trebek.
ALEX: With $650, Don Karnage is our new Jeopardy champion!
BALOO: You can sure tell this skit was written by a fan femme. Harumph.
KARNAGE: Hee hee! But of course! I always win! ˇOlé!
BALOO: I'm gonna go take a nap. (yawns and lumbers off camera)
KHAN: I do detest rigged game shows. (stalks away looking very peeved)
KARNAGE: (shaking hands with Alex) Sordid losers!
ALEX: That's "sore losers".
KARNAGE: Shut up and give me my money before I cut off your ears. (draws sword)
ALEX: Join us again next time for another edition of Celebrity Jeopardy!
Baloo, Shere Khan, Don Karnage and TaleSpin are (c) Disney. Jeopardy (C) Merv Griffin or somebody like that. Skit by Scarlet :-)
Back to Pirate Island